Wall Street Journal / YouTube President Trump 39 s State of 1549457076.jpg...
Wall Street Journal / YouTube

There’s no better way to watch the State of the Union with Donald Trump at the pulpit than with Twitter. Whether you missed it or watched it, there’s something here for you.

Enjoy.

Anticipation was high as Donald Trump’s 2019 State of the Union address loomed on Tuesday.

The ladies of the left were dressed to impress.

The real headliner of the evening was quickly defined, even if Individual 1 will never see himself as the opening act.

Predictions abounded about what Trump might say.

Honestly, the predictions were pretty similar.

Everyone had their fingers crossed, tighter than most years, that the Designated Survivor would not need to be called upon.

Cold drinks were needed…

…even by those on the House floor.

Trump arrived looking his best.

The popular vote loser skipped all formalities.

And then … the clapping began.

The sniff counting got off to a quick start.

Observations about the audience were spot on.

Not everyone was paying attention.

Not everyone was clapping.

The eye-rolling didn’t take long to commence.

Nor did the fact checking.

So. Much. Fact. Checking.

There was some early humble bragging, otherwise known as lies.

Then Trump attempted to channel his inner … Kanye?

And then, Donald Trump started to really feed off the applause … and Madam Speaker began to feed off his nonsense.

IMPORTANT UPDATE:

As Trump began to extol his generosity by reminding us of all he did by commuting the sentences of Alice Johnson and Matthew Charles, one question comes to mind.

Then, the border wall push began.

More non-clapping.

Fact check time! Do rich people love open borders like Donnie loves Big Macs?

Trump went off-book, and slipped right off Stephen Miller’s xenophobic bald head.

Then we discovered we weren’t even halfway through.

Fact check time! Do border walls make cities safer, like Trump said?

Trump rattled off some pretty impressive recent achievements for women, but didn’t seem to understand that the most women being elected to Congress in history had a whole lot to do with a desire to limit his power.

Trump started spewing religion, for he cares not for the division of church and state.

As we stumbled into the back third of the speech, people had their eyes on the real prize.

IMPORTANT UPDATE:

Requisite rage against the Obamacare machine.

Oh no, it’s abortion time.

Oh wait. Abortion time is over already?

The endless speech dragged on, leading us to yet another universal question.

That abortion to war transition was a bit abrupt, let’s stop for a fact-check.

Honestly, I don’t know when this actually happened but I, too, am screaming.

Then it was time to poke the Democratic Socialists.

The opposite of socialism is freedom, according to Donald Trump.

Seriously, what was Speaker Pelosi reading?

Then everyone started losing steam … again.

And then Trump stepped far, far out of his lane.

Like, really out of his lane.

Individual 1 then turned to a subject we can all agree on: Eradicating childhood cancer. Trump allegedly needed a little help to get through one strong kid’s story.

Trump entreated his audience to remember the history of the Capitol. Or, at least some of it.

Then he sang-spoke a song that made most Americans cringe in horror.

And then, in the name of all that’s kind and good, it was finally over, with a sniff count that’s just too good to be true.

Here’s the only summation of this disastrous speech that anyone needs.

***

One final thought:

Oh my heart. Did you notice the face of Jakelin Caal Maquín on Rep. Tlaib and Rep. Ocasio-Cortez’s lapels? They wanted her in the room with them.

That’s all I got for now, friends.

 

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