The FBI completed their investigation and submitted a final report in November. But there was still an active investigation at the White House Employee Security office when Rob Porter resigned. – Sarah Cluckabee Slanders   Today

Pop quiz! What is the premier criminal investigatory agency in the United States today?   A: Why, the FBI of course. There;s a good reason why government agencies ask the FBI to run background security checks on prospective employees. Because they don’t have the manpower, experience or expertise to do it themselves. If the FBI submitted a final report in writing to the White House Employee Security office in November, what kind of ongoing investigation could they possibly be doing? What could they find that the FBI couldn’t? And if they distrusted the FBI that much, why ask them in the first place?

But, listening to the Josef Goebbels in a skirt spew out today’s version of The Big Lie, this got me thinking. What if everyday decisions in your life were hadled with the same care and procedures that the White House is allegedly using?

Mrs Carter: Dr, do you have any idea of what’s wrong with me yet? It’s been quite a while now.

Doctor: Well, we got the results back from the lab in July, but we asked them to look in the closet, and check under the cushions just to double check. They gave us a final report in November, but we’re still investigating whether or not they have their heads up their asses.

Customer: Excuse me sir, but have you come to a final decision on my business loan yet?

Bank Officer: Well, we got your credit report back in July, but we asked for a cost-risk analysis then. We got that back in November, but we still have an active investigation confirming that your company really exists.

, Young kid: Father, what’s the penance for my sins?

Priest: Well, You confessed to impure thoughts, and using bad words back in July. We got confirmation of the sins from The Big Guy in November that you did it, but we still have an active investigation on exactly how bad the thoughts were, and what exact words you used. Tell you what, just start saying Hail Mary’s, and I’ll let you know when you can stop.

Look, I’ve undergone criminal background checks, one to work in crew scheduling for United, and another to go to work for Zappo’s. Granted I wasn’t getting cleared for top secret documents, and the FBI was only involved in the United check, but what the hell. Neither took 7 months to start with, and once the results came back, neither company spent three months “investigating” if the agents who had performed my check were gassed to the gills or not. This whole line of defense for their inept lying is a crock of shit, but if we’ve learned one thing from the Trump administration, it’s that they won’t stop hacking until they don’t have any more of their fingers and toes left.

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