Gage Skidmore / Flickr Donald Trump...
Gage Skidmore / Flickr

I’ll be honest, I am not loving this. As the unplanned dismissal rate in the Trump administration rises like the “Viet Cong body count” in an old Pentagon press release, more and more media analysts are bemoaning the fact that His Lowness tarnishes the reputation of everybody he comes in contact with, their reputations just turn to dust like a vampire poked with an oak stake. And I don’t get it.

They’re making it sound almost like Trump has this invisible aura that turns Rhodes scholars and pillars of moral standing into greedy, depraved zombies. Where in the world are they getting the idea that any of the people Trump has turned into mud puppies had a good reputation to start with?

Sarah Huckabee Sanders? I have yet to see a shot of the White House briefing of somebody standing in the corner holding one of her kids while she looks nervously over her shoulder as she does her best impersonation of the old woman in the gingerbread house.

Scott Pruitt? Sweet Lord, Pruitt was already such a craven hack that, as the Attorney General of Arkansas, he repeatedly sued the EPA, you know, the department he uses as his personal Expedia now, on behalf of corporate contributors to his campaign!

Tom Price? Hell, Price was already in hot water for possible ethical violations as a House committee chair, for trading in stocks in pharma and medical device companies with legislation concerning them pending before his committee. What a mensch, huh?

Reince Priebus? Well, we can pretty much dispense with that one by mentioning that Priebus was the chairman of the RNC back when they still had a chance to shove a cork in the Trump bottle before the genie got out. The method of his dismissal should be at the bottom of his shit list, not the top.

The Mooch?” I’m sorry, but any guy who talks in all seriousness about watching a man whose greatest act of physical exertion is lifting a 10 piece bucket of chicken, tossing spirals through a tire, and swishing jumpers from the free throw line in an overcoat, had already left his reputation at the door. Of 3rd grade.

John Kelly? Sorry, I don’t remember Trump standing behind Kelly, a gun to his head while Kelly backed Trump’s play in insulting a newly minted Gold Star widow, before her husband was even buried, or making up lame shit to call congresswoman Frederica Wilson an “empty barrel.” Hell, people are now starting to question how Kelly managed to hide his racism and sexism for so long in the army.

Rex Tillerson? Sure, cuz nothing says selfless public service like being a guy who did such a spectacular Neil and Bob with Exxon that Vlad the Imp himself gave him a Russia BFF” medal in Moscow. My only question about Rex Tillerson is why it took him so long to realize that Trump was a fucking moron?

Paul Ryan, Mitch McConnell, and assorted GOP elected slugs? Puh-lease. Each one of them has more opportunities than a kid learning how to tie his shoes to, if not show ethical judgement, then at least uphold their oaths of office. But all of those Tweets are so mean!

So far, the media is focusing on the one man who, at least so far, has managed to emerge with both his ethics, and his good name intact. Secretary of Defense James Mattis. Personally, I think there are two reasons for this. One, Trump professes to love the military too much to throw shine at Mattis. And two, I have the feeling that The Tiny Thumbs Diktator is trying to keep Mattis in the sweet spot, just in case he ever has to ask him to send the tanks to the street to surround the White House.

So please, mainstream media. Please, take a chill pill and relax, Trump hasn’t taken a damn thing from any of these people that they hadn’t already lost, or were willing to throw away. You want to worry about somebody’s sterling reputation being ruined? Fine, then spend a little more time worrying about Lady Liberty. “Give me your tired, your poor. Your huddled masses, yearning to breathe free.” Remember that golden oldie? Memory may soon be all you have, because it looks like Trump is measuring it for a new coat of cement.

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