Round and round and round she goes, and where she stops, nobody knows Gambling chant
I know I shouldn’t even think it, much less actually say it, but I can’t help myself. These Trumpkins are just so damn cute when they get all pissy and whiny. And the pissier and whinier they get, the more they give away in their quest for sympathy. It’s a gift, but funny as hell.
Last night was a perfect example. During Lawrence O’Donnell’s hour, a combination of a guest I had no interest in on MSNBC, and an even worse commercial on CNN landed me on the thorny shores of FUX News. And right there, big as life, and damn near as lifelike, bless me if it isn’t li’l Mikey Pence The Pentecost Kid himself. This was a perfectly safe place for Pence to be, since now Shepard Smith is at home with the cat, and Chris Wallace was home getting his beauty sleep. I haven’t seen pitches this soft since high school batting practice.
The interviewer, I want to say it was Laura Ingraham — but I’m not positive — tall, blonde, lean, and vapid, the Ailes “mold,” said that she had heard that Pence was going to be more front and center aggressive in the impeachment fight, asked him if that was true, and asked what his expanded role would be. And what followed was enough sour grapes to fill a 55 gallon vinegar drum, which went something like this;
Well, you know, it’s really sad. We’ve spent almost three entire years on this, the Democrats desperately trying to overturn the results of the 2016 election. First it was two years of Robert Mueller, investigating false claims regarding the President and Russia, and after all of that, Mueller gave complete vindication and exoneration to the President. And now, they’re trying to impeach the President for conducting affairs of state. And all I’m going to do is to go out there as often as possible, and tell the truth about this President, his policies, and his agenda.
Holy Moley! Just how much whiny, specious, self pitying bullshit can one corn fed idjit spout out in less than two minutes? And how can the interviewer, whomever she is, just sit there, getting a full body immersion in this pissy baptism of grievance, and just nod her head like she’s privileged to hear words directly from the lips of the Oracle of Delphi?
OK, two things. First, the real obvious one. We all know that Mike Pence is an oversized spigot for spewing out bullshit, but he actually kind of cheapened himself with this first one. Pence said that he was going to get out there at every opportunity, and tell the truth about Trump and his shenanigans. Is he fucking kidding? If Pence goes out and blathers the truth about Trump, the Senate will convict him before lunch on Thursday. Even brain dead Trombies won’t buy that one. ‘Nuff said.
But the second one was the one that spun the little “jackpot” signs front and center in my eyes, because while I’ve been hearing Trump pimp after Trump shill after Trump apologist spout this drivel out for months now, it took the bland, strained-carrots-Gerber’s-baby-food countenance of Mike Pence to make the connection in my fevered brain.
Pence piteously whined that the investigations into Trump and his merry band of misfits have been going on for like, three solid years now! Which begs the natural question. What fucking President gets investigated for three solid years?!? Especially on multiple charges of differing corruption? Richard Nixon’s impeachment, soup to nuts, took under three years to accomplish. Hillary Clinton isn’t even the President, and even her cobbled up e-mail server scandal, with never ending malicious intent from the Trump administration, took just under three years. Even Obama, the hated Kenyan-Marxist-Imposter, while vilified daily by the Republicans, never spent a minute under active congressional investigation.
So, who the hell spends three entire years under investigation? I’ll tell you who. Alphonse “Scarface” Capone spent more than three years under investigation. John “The Teflon Don” Gotti spent more than three years under investigation. Anthony “Joe Batters” Accardo spent more than three years under criminal investigation. James “Whitey” Bulger spent more than three years under criminal investigation. Are you starting to sense a common thread here?
This is why I listen to pathetic shitheels like Trump, Pence, Pompeo, Mulvaney et. al. when they go spouting off like Orca the killer whale. These ignorant buffoons are so incompetent that even when they try to attract sympathy for themselves, all they end up doing is highlighting their criminal misdeeds instead. This is the thin gruel of my life these days, and the small victories, but hell, it’s a living.
To know the future, look to the past. before the insanity of the 2020 election, relive the insanity of the 2016 GOP primary campaign, and the general election, to see how we got to where we are. Copies of President Evil, and the sequel, President Evil II, A Clodwork Orange are available as e-books on Amazon, at the links above. Catch up before the upcoming release of the third book in the trilogy, President Evil III: All The Presidents Fen