Gage Skidmore / Flickr paul ryan...
Gage Skidmore / Flickr

Paul Ryan, believe it or not, is not t total moron. A slimy political toad? Yes. A blindly partisan hack? Definitely. A craven,spineless coward? Paulie’s got your bet covered. But a total moron? Most definitely not.

Paul Ryan has shown an almost uncanny ability to know just how far he can stand up to The Tiny Thumbs Diktator, and just how to artfully bail on his alleged spine. Ryan made a public show about suddenly uninviting Glorious Bleater from his annual district BBQ when Trump shot off his mouth, but refused to directly condemn Trump’s comments, then, a week later, made baby goo-goo noises about supporting Trump if he won. Ryan bravely said “Shucks, golly-gee, that sure sounds racist talk to me,” about another one of Trump’s rants, but again refused to condemn the remarks, and then sidestepped any follow up questions on the issue. Finally, Ryan gave up the charade and kicked his dignity to the curb, refusing to comment on any of his addle pated bosses comments or tweets.

Most of the last few days have been dominated by Trump’s blatant power grab in attempting to get a peeky-see at what Mueller has against him by cobbling up some bullshit scandal about spies being implanted into his campaign to sink it cuz, ya know, Obama. The scam has generated support with the dizzying speed of the Kilauea lava flow, so now it’s time to hide everything behind the steam that occurs when the lava hits the ocean.

First, no Democrats were invited to the “decoder ring required for entry” briefing because they hadn’t screamed to have the source outed in the first place. Then, when a sufficient number of gutless GOP Senators poked their heads out of their holes to make a whack-a-mole game, complaining about bipartisanship, a meeting of the “gang of eight” was scheduled for some nebulous day next week, after Nunes could give His Lowness and Rumdumb Rudy enough time to pick over the raw intel. Suddenly, late last night, it was breathlessly revealed that the gang of eight would be briefed today, taking sloppy seconds behind Nunes and Gowdy. As in all things Trumpian, the strategy is a hodgepodge cluster fuck.

But finally, after all of those pesky stops and starts, The Cheeto Prophet is going to get his booty. But his whole “Spygate” scam is gonna take it in the shorts, because a pivotal part of the team is going to be MIA. Literally within minutes of the meeting being announced, House Speaker Paul Ryan’s office put out a release stating that he would be unable to attend due to a prior commitment. Yes, I know, this meeting is going to contain some of the most critically sensitive intelligence information we possess, and could be critical to Ryan’s understanding of complicated legislative questions that may arise from it’s dissemination. But do you have any idea how difficult it would be to reschedule that Hair Club for Men appointment to fix that widows peak, so he looks better as a fat cat lobbyist than he did as a Vice Presidential candidate? Come on! Focus on the essentials here, will ya?!

Ryan’s sudden Harry Houdini on this meeting can be explained in two simple words. Plausible Deniability. Ryan has been sunning himself on the deck of the SS Trumpitania long enough to recognize a good old fashioned iceberg when he sees one just off the bow. This whole “Spygate” con was fine just as long as only a couple of GOP Trumpista’s exited the meeting and spoke darkly about “grave violations” of the justice department investigation, replete with accusations of secret listening devices to make Sean Hannity foam at the mouth. But when Chuck Schumer, Nancy Pelosi, and Adam Schiff all stride in front of the microphones, and sadly proclaim what everybody already knew, that there was no spy embedded in the Trump campaign, that all of the interactions were discreet inquiries into the subjects direct connections with Russians, and that all that was accomplished was that we blew a valuable intelligence source that we had spent years cultivating, just so that Don of Orange could try to cover his pasty ass, better to be blissfully ignorant of the whole damn thing. Much better to be able to innocently stare into the cameras and say, “Don’t ask me, I know nothing about it, I wasn’t even there. Hey, notice anything different about my hair?”

Rachel Maddow has it nailed, “Don’t pay attention to what they say, pay attention to what they do.” And watching Paul Ryan turn tail and slink away from this meeting tells us all we need to know. Ryan can smell the total pooch screw coming, and he wants to be miles away when the kennel master comes storming up to investigate. Trump, Meadows, Nunes, and Gowdy dropped this pile of shit on the carpet, let them clean up the mess. Ryan is vacating this crummy house anyway.

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