MSNBC / YouTube Jim Jordan Announces Bid To Replace...
MSNBC / YouTube

America is a land that observes a nightmare ritual. It might not be quite so awful as the Carthaginian practice of child sacrifice, but it’s certainly less festive than toting the statue of Marduk around Babylon—and it occurs a lot more frequently. Every morning Americans drag themselves to Twitter to see just what present of accusations, self-promotions, childish insults, dictatorial demands, and plain old lies Donald Trump has scattered on his overnight path across “executive time.” It’s reliably maddening, occasionally sickening, and sometimes sprinkled with threats of nuclear war.

But the droppings that Trump left behind on Tuesday night show an actual breath of spring. Because they’re all about love—the love between an autocrat hiding a pile of secrets, and the one sweaty man still willing to go out there and pretend that he’s done nothing wrong. And sorry, Devin Nunes, but you’ve been replaced in Trump’s heart. Because the last man to go on TV and pretend that Trump did nothing wrong is the winner.

Trump’s overnight session focuses on the same topic as all his other recent sessions: no collusion, no collusion, and look at Hillary! But what’s changed is the source of Trump’s “proof’ that all those conversations, email exchanges, and meetings we already know about never happened. Trump’s new hero is Republican representative “Gym” Jordan.

Jim Jordan: No evidence of Trump colluding with Russia, but ‘all kinds’ showing Clinton campaign did.

Jordan apparently made his statement exonerating Trump from reality on Sunday, but on Tuesday afternoon Jordan tweeted the statement again, and this time it seems to have snagged Trump’s ever-vigilant crawl through Twitter. Jordan’s irrefutable logic—the direct meetings and talks with Russians that happened all over Trump’s campaign don’t count, but Clinton colluded because someone on Clinton’s team hired someone, who hired someone, who talked to Russians—has been the accepted wisdom on the right for the duration of this emergency.

But Trump liked the statement. As in, he really liked it. Because Trump retweeted Jordan’s tweet. And he retweeted an article including Jordan saying what he said in the tweet. And he retweeted a tweet of Donald Trump Jr. retweeting Jordan’s tweet. And he retweeted a tweet of Fox person Laura Ingraham retweeting Jordan’s tweet.  That’s almost too much Gym Jordan to ignore … though, of course, Jordan himself is very good at ignoring things.

The number of wrestlers at Ohio State who say that Jordan knew about and ignored sexual abuse during his time as an assistant coach at the university is up to at least seven. But of course, Trump has already consigned those abused atheletes to the same bin where he keeps everyone else who comes forward.

Trump: I don’t believe them at all. I believe him. Jim Jordan is one of the most outstanding people I’ve met since I’ve been in Washington. I believe him 100 percent. No question in my mind. I believe Jim Jordan 100 percent. He’s an outstanding man.

Jordan’s outstandingness was most recently on display at the hearing of Michael Cohen, where he did not direct a single question to the witness on the subject of the hearing, but spent his time lobbing accusations at him, complaining about the whole purpose of the hearing, and generally being Gym Jordan.

The Saturday Night Live portrayal of Jordan’s behavior on the hearing is hilariously accurate … until the point where it seems as if he’s been shamed. Because shame is clearly something Jordan doesn’t feel. Just ask those wrestlers.

But if Trump’s Tuesday evening tweets were a celebration of the last man in Congress still crying “No collusion,” there is something very nice to be said about Trump’s Wednesday morning statements. As of 9 AM ET, there haven’t been any.

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This is a Creative Commons article. The original version of this article appeared here.

2 COMMENTS

  1. Trump: I don’t believe them at all. I believe him. Jim Jordan is one of the most outstanding people I’ve met since I’ve been in Washington. I believe him 100 percent. No question in my mind. I believe Jim Jordan 100 percent. He’s an outstanding man.

    Ok fine, when will you have Jordan babysit little Barron??? Yeah right, you lying sack of shit.

  2. Where do the Repugnants find these guys? One after another, they join Congress or his administration. Could the Keebler factory have gone rogue, producing mutant elves in the Trump mold?? This is what happens when capitalism goes unchecked. Greed is what gives rise to the likes of these guys and the entirety of Fux News. They give up their souls for the $$$$.

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