There was a Beverly Hillbillies episode back in the day that featured Jed Clampett wearing a tuxedo. Even a hillbilly sit com character looked more convincing in fancy threads and eating caviar than the character in the White House.
Long story short, if you’re just now tuning in, Prince Charles and Camilla Parker Bowles must be atoning for some terrible crime, either in this lifetime or a previous one, because they were forced to drive to Winfield Hall, the home of the American ambassador, to have dinner two nights in a row with Trump and Melania.
The American ambassador, just by the by, is Woody Johnson, owner of the New York Jets. Nobody ever told Trump that you just don’t appoint one of your a$$hole friends to the Court of St. James, but if you had told him, he wouldn’t have listened, so what does it really matter?
In any event, Melania was decked out in a floor length red gown. All she needs now is the dagger and the pentacle and she’s all set to be an acolyte of Satan, no problem. I wonder if she drank blood during dinner? God knows she was dressed for it. But if you take a look at the photo, she basically blends in with the rug, so perhaps that was the motivation, a desire to just sink into the floor and be gone. We can’t say we blame her one bit, on that score.
So, dinner proceeded. Now, you’ll be relieved to know that Trump didn’t send out for fast food — although the menu was boringly plain, considering this was a state occasion. Naturally, Trump had steak and potatoes, his was probably burnt with lots of ketchup. Dessert was vanilla ice cream. My God, these people are lacking in imagination and savoir faire — on top of everything else.
In any event, maybe the vanilla ice cream gave Trump’s tum tum an ache-y, because he was up at 1:30 a.m. attacking Bette Midler. Anyhow, here’s what went down. You figure it out.
I apologize; this quote turns out to be a fake from way back in ‘15-16. Don’t know how I missed it, but it sounds SO much like him that I believed it was true! Fact Check: Did Trump say in '98 Republicans are dumb? https://t.co/NY9s6V49el via @rgj
— Bette Midler (@BetteMidler) June 3, 2019
Now I’m going to go on record here, saying that I don’t blame Midler for falling for this. I once almost posted a piece from the New Yorker about Ben Carson looking for HUD in the Bible and somebody stopped me in time and said, “Don’t post it, it’s Andy Borowitz,” who writes the satire column for the magazine. Carson is so emphatically stupid, that it’s impossible to parody him, and that’s why it almost slipped past me. I’m sure you caught his latest gaffe, when a congresswoman asked him about REO and he said Oreo? The SNL writers can’t write better than that. And this is on the congressional record now, stupidity for the ages, for all mankind to see.
So, Midler made an honest mistake, owned up to it, and promptly apologized. She’s a lady and I applaud her. Let me just interject this about apologies, because Donald Trump has never made one and considers it a sign of weakness. An apology makes a statement to the person apologized to that the person’s feelings are important enough for you to make an effort to set things straight. Trump not only did not graciously accept Midler’s amend, he went off his rocker — and at 1:30 a.m.
Washed up psycho @BetteMidler was forced to apologize for a statement she attributed to me that turned out to be totally fabricated by her in order to make “your great president” look really bad. She got caught, just like the Fake News Media gets caught. A sick scammer!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) June 5, 2019
Interesting how he puts “your great president” in quotes — like you or I would do, if we were actually saying the opposite, and wanted to make sure our snideness got across. Freudian slip?
Now, here’s the tweet that probably set Trump off, and made it impossible to accept Midler’s retraction.
Trump said he was greeted by thousands in the UK, but they were actually thousands of protesters. How does he always hear the opposite of the truth? Donald, if you’re reading this you SHOULD NOT slam your dick in a door!
— Bette Midler (@BetteMidler) June 4, 2019
HAHAHAHAHAHAHHA! I love it! Donald, you SHOULD NOT eat rat poison! It’s bad for you!
In any event, tomorrow is the last day of the three day siege of Britain by Trump. Londoners’ sensibilities haven’t been so violated since the blitzkrieg. Camilla Parker Bowles winked at the cameras when Trump first arrived, an image that has since gone viral. British tongues are planted firmly in cheek and everybody is just trying to get on with it.
Prince Phillip didn’t show up for Trump at all. The man is 97 years old and has arguably had enough of this kind of horse and pony show — although I daresay in almost a century of life he has never seen anything like Trump. And apparently, he wants it that way. For him, the arrival of Trump never took place.
Would that the same was true for us.