Trump Weighs In On Configuration Of Solar System, Says ‘Moon Is A Part’ Of Mars

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The You-Can’t-Make-This-S*it-Up file exploded long ago, had to move to a separate building, and is now big enough to fill up an entire island. This is the latest from the Know Nothing (No Nothing? — they both work) in Chief.

Now, as God is my witness, I did a parody of Trump back on August 19, 2017. the day of the full eclipse, entitled “Trump Says The Eclipse Is Nothing More Than A Hoax,” and he sounds as stupid here as he did in my take off, which I reprint in full below.

Donald Trump is never happy when he’s being upstaged and this time, it’s by none other than the sun. Andy Borowitz The New Yorker:

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Attacking the media for its “very unfair” coverage of Monday’s solar eclipse, Donald J. Trump said on Saturday that the sun was equally to blame for blocking the moon.

“The fake news is covering the eclipse from the sun’s side instead of the moon’s side, but if you look at it from the moon’s side the sun is blocking the moon’s side,” he said. “There are so many sides you can’t count all the sides.”

Additionally, Trump tore into the sun itself, calling it a “showboat” for its role in the solar eclipse.

“The sun thinks the world revolves around it,” Trump said. “Sad.”

Trump also says that the eclipse is nothing more than a hoax perpetrated in the name of fear mongering. “Probably what’s really going on is that the moon is trying to eat the sun because moons do that, all the moons in the galaxy of the solar system do that, if you believe in science, which I don’t.” He elaborated, “I’m very happy that we were able to schedule the eclipse for my administration, and if the people like this one, we’re going to schedule another one very soon. We’re going to Make America Dark Again.”

Friends, I put it to you: is my parody saying that the moon is trying to eat the sun any more absurd than Trump saying that the moon is a part of Mars? Seriously? I mean, be honest with me.

Donald Trump just won the Ben Carson Too Stupid To Parody Award, and I thought Carson would hang onto the trophy for at least another year after his Oreos commentary in Congress. But no, Trump stupifyingly managed to bottom Carson — which, prior to an hour ago, I would have said was impossible. But if anybody could exceed Ben Carson in the moron department, logically it would be the moron who appointed him and that one is Trump.

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