After normal presidents stop presidenting, they’re typically deluged with offers from major publishing houses for the right to release their memoirs. But judging from the blowback The Wall Street Journal received after publishing Donald Trump’s recent lie-festooned letter to the editor, no one who groks that Trump’s bloviating bottom is not actually a flowing fount of wisdom seems eager to let him topple inkwells anywhere near their shops.

Seriously, the guy would have trouble getting published in Penthouse Forum at this point—because his stories are simply too outlandish to believe. But that doesn’t mean he won’t “write” a memoir (and by that I mean bellow obscenities at a ghostwriter for making him sound insufficiently godlike), then self-publish it through a vanity press. And when I say “vanity press,” I mean any publisher that would get within a mile of his humid mound of ox tripe.

Of course, this won’t be just any vanity press. It will be TrumpWorld’s own publishing house. And I can only assume he’ll sample his own products about as often as the Walton family shops at Walmart:

Allies of former President Donald Trump are trying to rip up the traditional book publishing paradigm in politics by setting up a publishing house of their own. And they have the ex-president helping them do it.

Trump announced last week that he was publishing a coffee table book of photographs from his time in the White House—just ahead of the holiday gift rush—with Winning Team Publishing. The outfit is a new imprint with a decidedly MAGA flavor, run by former Trump campaign aide Sergio Gor and Trump’s son, Donald Trump Jr.

Hmm, their first release is a picture book. I’m surprised it’s not scratch-and-sniff, too. I’m as surprised as I am relieved.

As Politico reported in June, one of the reasons Trump hasn’t inked the kind of big-money deal other former POTII have secured is that publishers are loath to bring him onboard, given his reputation for, well, embroidering the truth. One “major figure” in the publishing industry told Politico that “it would be too hard to get a book that was factually accurate, actually. That would be the problem. If he can’t even admit that he lost the election, then how do you publish that?”  

Well, you can’t, really. But someone with absolutely no shame could! Hey, while they’re at it, maybe they can finally release Mein Kampf for Kids

But Trump’s chronic truth allergy isn’t his only likely impediment to a big publishing deal. According to another publishing insider, an even bigger obstacle might be Trump himself:

“My suspicion is Trump is self-publishing because he doesn’t want the humiliation of getting a smaller advance than he has before or anyone finding out that it is smaller than Obama’s,” said one publishing executive. Former President Barack and former first lady Michelle Obama reportedly sold their book rights to Penguin Random House for over $60 million. “I imagine that’s as big a part of it as anything.”

Yep, there’s your answer, fishbulb. 

Donald Trump’s obsession with President Obama—who is better than the Ocher Arschloch in every conceivable way—is legendary. And this totally tracks. So Trump will release his lie-brary of bullshit on his own. And I, for one, can’t wait to ignore it. 

It made comedian Sarah Silverman say, “THIS IS FUCKING BRILLIANT,” and prompted author Stephen King to shout “Pulitzer Prize!!!” (on Twitter, that is). What is it? The viral letter that launched four hilarious Trump-trolling books. Get them all, including the finale, Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump, at this link. Or, if you prefer a test drive, you can download the epilogue to Goodbye, Asshat for the low, low price of FREE.

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This is a Creative Commons article. The original version of this article appeared here.


  1. The book will also come with a box of crayons to colour in the pictures. Of course, there’ll be 2 orange ones for colouring his skin.


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