Oh, dear Lord. And here I thought that the resumption of these daily briefings would constitute the same waste of time as the originals. But I had forgotten all of the little things that you have to watch for that make them so amusing.
For starters, obviously El Pendejo Presidente is still buying his Fixodent in 55 gallon drums. His upper plate was all over the place, and he slobbered through his statement sounding for all the world like am obscene phone caller.
And then he tossed out enough fertilizer for Iowa, Nebraska, and Kansas combined. He said that the GOP had secured $105 billion in additional funding for schools to assist them in reopening. Then came the McGuffin. The schools would only get the money if they opened for in school teaching. If schools didn’t open for students, no cashola. Instead, the money would go to the parents instead, to send their children to alternate private, charter, or religious schools, or for in home tutoring. Who the hell is he trying to kid? The Trump administration can’t even set up effective coronavirus testing in 6 months, and they’ll divvy up $105 billion and get it to millions of parents in less than a month? Color me skeptical.
But the best part was when he talked convention. He said that his political team had come to him that day, with the biggest, most beautiful, bad ass convention of all time. But because Trump is a man of the people, by the people, and for the people, he called the whole damn thing off. His planners were stunned, but he remained resolute. Instead, the delegates will show up in Charlotte as scheduled, to fulfill the mechanics of nominating Trump, and they’ll have alternate pageantry online and broadcast instead.
Every time I think that Trump can’t possibly fuck up any worse, he continues to amaze. I swear, the dude is like a one man orgy. If my memory serves me correctly, I believe that the Democrats will hold their convention first, with the GOP going the next week.
Just think about this for a moment. More than three months ago, the Biden campaign and the DNC got together and decided that for safety’s sake, they would forego a traditional convention, and instead work solely online and through the mainstream media. They have had their best minds and planners working solely on this concept for the last three months. You can rest assured that the finished product will be smooth, slick, polished, uplifting, and effective.
Trump’s campaign has spent the last three months working on a balls to the wall, live convention, and the coronavirus be damned. They started in Charlotte, then threw a grenade in the room by moving the nomination declaration and acceptance speech to Jacksonville. Florida. And now, in less than a month, they are going to slap together a digital, online, and broadcast mishmash of something. Maybe they can get the guy who used to direct The Apprentice to handle the whole thing. But there is one upside. Scott Baio, Kid Rock, and Ted Nugent should feel right at home. Those losers have been performing in front of crowds of 100 or less for years now.
I cannot tell you how much I’m looking forward to this. After all, the convention heralds the actual start of the general election campaign, and campaigns depend on the bounce from a successful convention to put some wind beneath their wings. The Democrats are going to get everything they want out of theirs, while the Republicans are jumping out of the plane with a wing and a prayer. Which one do you think is going to leave a better impression on voters.
Now I have the rhythm of the Trump coronavirus briefings down pat. Forget the virus update part, that’s like History of the World Part I, Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit,. Ah, bullshit. Instead, pay attention to everything else he talks about, therein lie the golden nuggets.
To know the future, look to the past.before the insanity of the 2020 election, relive the insanity of the 2016 GOP primary campaign, and the general election, to see how we got to where we are. Copies of President Evil, and the sequel, President Evil II, A Clodwork Orange are available as e-books on Amazon, at the links above. Catch up before the upcoming release of the third book in the trilogy, President Evil III: All The Presidents Fen
Follow me on Twitter at @RealMurfster35
This is a Creative Commons article. The original version of this article appeared here.