Trump: ‘I just beat COVID’

The Telegraph / YouTube Donald Trump hints at lifting Europe 1590770371.jpg...
The Telegraph / YouTube

What the ever-living f*ck is this congealed mound of sidewalk-melted circus peanut talking about?

REPORTER: “Are you worried about the situation on the border between India and China …?”

TRUMP: “Ah, India. He loves India so much, he’s never asked a question other than an India question, and that’s okay. I just got back from India, right? I just beat COVID.”

Nice try, but the answer we were looking for is “John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt, his name is my name, too!” Feel free to play again tomorrow.

So Don Sequitur is spritzing his magic brain dust all over the Oval Office again and … I. Can’t. Even.

Fact check: You did not just beat COVID. COVID is not defeated. You, in fact, are COVID’s BFF. F*cking duh.

If you pressed my brain through a Play-Doh Fun Factory, stapled it to a feral pig, and then haphazardly shoved it back into my skull with an egg whisk weeks later, I’m certain I wouldn’t say anything this random or stupid. But it’s just another day at the office for this clown.

Please, please, please, can I just fast-forward to November? Please?

Ah, never mind. I need to campaign for Joe Biden, whom Republicans seem determined to paint as a mentally unfit old guy who says crazy things.

UPDATE? Talking Points Memo’s Josh Marshall has a potential explanation for this particular hunk of logic shrapnel that’s now firmly ensconced in at least one buttock o’ mine. (h/t RETIII) It seems marginally plausible, but I never know what to believe anymore. And why the fuck do we have to consult a f*cking gibberish-to-English dictionary every time this guy opens his mouth?

UPDATE 2: I wrote that update while high. Please forgive any typos.

UPDATE 3: I still make way more f*cking sense than Donald Trump on his least-Adderall-besotted day.

UPDATE 4: And don’t think I didn’t notice Trump saying, “He loves India so much, he’s never asked a question other than an India question, and that’s okay” to a reporter who was clearly from F*CKING INDIA.

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4 Comments on "Trump: ‘I just beat COVID’"

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Steve Hill
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Steve Hill

This has got to be the most clueless idiotic man that has ever been in the white house

moosetracks
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moosetracks

Covid is his Waterloo… This is a fact

Dave
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Dave

I am sure that he says these stupid things to get the desired response and to cause reporters and the general public to exclaim WTF but hey its like the old stand up line “By then I was getting usede to it”

Lou
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ALL WE HAVE TO DO NOW IS PARADE IN ON TRUMP AND ALL TOGETHER SNEEZE IN HIS FACE. HA! HE WON’T WORRY BECAUSE ITS ONLY A HOAX AND JUST THE FLU. THIS DAM IDIOT DOSENT KNOW WE ARE FIGHTING THIS VIRUS NOT HIS FAT ASS. WHEN I HOPE GOES AWAY WE CAN CELEBRATE TOGETHER.OMITTING THAT PILE OF CRAP IN OFFICE. IN NOVEMBER WE CAN TAKE CARE OF HIS HUGE ASS. THROW HIM AND THOSE IDIOT KIDS IN JAIL. MAYBE TRUMP WOULD DO SOMETHING???? SO HE MIGHT NOT PUT TIME IN JAIL.WILL ALL BE PLEASED TO SEE HIM DISAPPEAR.