tRump Document Discovered (LOL)

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The Telegraph / YouTube Nato summit Donald Trump criticises French 1575474590.jpg...
The Telegraph / YouTube

One of the NotNowNotEver Investigative Team Working In Taxis™ was fortunate enough to retrieve this document after jumping into a cab Rudy Giuliani had just exited.  He also found several of Rudy’s phones, his pants and two empty fifths of vodka which were turned over to the cab driver.  Rather than subjecting you to the full depravity of the complete document we are just reproducing the Table of Contents.  What’s rather surprising and depressing is just how honest they appear to be when they think no one is looking.  I have taken the liberty of replacing the pictures of tRump that appeared in the original document with some content that I feel is more appropriate.

Committee to Reelect the Utter Disaster

Manual for Paid Campaign Workers

Not for distribution to persons who have not signed the personal fealty oath and non-disclosure agreement with Donald J tRump and especially not to people who believe anything the president says

Confidential — Sharing of the document without approval from the Office of the President is strictly forbidden.

Table of Contents

Part One —  How to puff up tRump’s very thin list of accomplishments

  • Repeat any dubious claims tRump makes about his accomplishments as if they were written in stone and handed down from God
  • Give tRump excessive amounts of extra credit for any marginal thing he had anything to do with
  • Claim credit for things that never happened
  • Claim credit for things other people did
  • Blame others for any of the thousands of mistakes tRump has made
    trumpblame.png
    It’s his next reality game show — The Blame Game

Part Two — Making a pretense of Democracy

  • Pretend that Donald tRump makes sense
  • Pretend that debunked conspiracy theories are completely true
  • Pretend that Donald tRump is a devout Christian
  • Pretend that Donald tRump knows what he’s doing and has a coherent plan
  • Pretend that Donald tRump is tough on Russia/Turkey/North Korea/Saudi Arabia/etc
  • Pretend that Donald tRump is not suffering from obvious cognitive decline
  • Call anyone who challenges or disagrees with tRump a never-tRumper or a socialist
  • Pretend that all the sexist stuff said is just Locker Room talk
    trumplockerroom.gif
    It’s ok, he’s rich.

Part Three — Regarding Impeachment

  • He didn’t do it
  • He is to stupid to have done it (only in emergencies)
  • That’s just tRump being tRump
  • He did it.  So what?
  • It’s not in the Constitution, so it’s not impeachable
  • No Collusion
  • Claim the process is unfair
  • Claim the fact witnesses didn’t say what they said
  • Claim tRump was not permitted to mount a defense
    defense2.jpg
    Occam’s razor in action

Part Four — Dealing with the media

  • Never answer a question directly
  • Always blame an underling when tRump is caught red-handed
  • Repeat debunked conspiracy theories
  • Repeat debunked talking points from Barr or Nunes summaries
  • Distort and misinterpret statistics to make tRump look slightly less incompetent
  • Lie and lie some more
    Trump-No-Like-What-He-Sees.jpg
    Oh no!  What will he do now.

Part Five — Suppress and subvert the vote

  • Purge voters
  • Move polling locations to inconvenient locations
  • Use social media to depress the democratic turnout
  • Alter the results if we can get away with it
  • Get help from Russia
    trump-puppet-cartoon-luckovich.jpg
    The price for Russian assisstance

Conclusion — If the race is close, claim fraud and refuse to give up power

voterfraud2.png
Three of a kind

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5 Comments on "tRump Document Discovered (LOL)"

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chris whitley
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chris whitley

Sounds about right. Deny and repeat trump!

Rutokin
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Rutokin

Very funny and very true

Kenny
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Kenny

Maybe not so funny, definitely true

Aileen Cheetham
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Aileen Cheetham

Spot on

M. E. Lara
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M. E. Lara

Trumps so determined to get re-elected, I wouldn’t doubt he’d try to find a way to rig the polls, like he and M. Cohen tried during 2016 elections, or fudging with the GDP or labor statistic system to make our economy look better then what it actually is. He is so corrupt, I don’t put anything past that “fake” so called President!