It is at times like these that I am reminded of the wisdom of one Crow T. Robot, who was asked one winter season what he wanted for Christmas. “I want to decide who lives and who dies,” replied the plucky automaton.
Anyhoo, that brings us to Donald Trump’s newly emboldened Presidential Personnel Office, now headed by ex-Trump body man John McEntee because Donald J. Trump believes every single government office must revolve around protecting his own ass, and be staffed as such. McEntee has been brought on to “re-vet” all political appointees in government, identifying those who have demonstrated insufficient personal loyalty to Trump so that they can be expunged and replaced with more toadying allies. The purge starts in the Personnel Office itself, where McEntee is bringing on … a 23-year-old Trump-campaigning college student? To help do the vetting of top government officials?
That can’t be right. Let me re-read this thing.
No, sure enough: Politico reports that among McEntee’s new “right-hand men” is college senior James Bacon, who has been with the Trump campaign since its “earliest days,” worked on the Trump transition, and has since bumped around the Trump administration while he works to eventually finish his bachelor’s degree. Politico notes that he especially “distinguished himself” as “confidential assistant” to the apparently-still-puttering-around-somewhere Housing and Urban Development Secretary Ben Carson.
I think we can flesh out the rest of the story from that brief biography. Bacon established himself as a loyal, tomorrow-belongs-to-me face on the campaign, reaped decent administration rewards for that loyalty, impressed the bejeebers out of administration figures who have been tearing their hair out trying to find even a half-administration’s worth of sufficiently suckupian sycophants, in his role as HUD-White House “liaison” caught the eye of the hamberder’s helpers, and now can be trusted with the role of helping to vet the rest of government to ensure freethinkers are thoroughly weeded out.
That is damn impressive. My most substantive college jobs all involved computer programming; I probably should have kissed the compiler’s ass a bit more, just to get on its good side. Our future robot overlords would have probably granted me my own death laser.
So that is your Extremely Competent Trump Administration Story for the day. Top government officials are going to have their files looked over by an appropriately bright-eyed member of the Trump Youth, who will help alleged billionaire Trump’s ex-body man ferret out those suspected of committing thoughtcrimes inside their federal agencies. A true who-lives-and-who-dies job.
There is little to worry about, however. The purge will no doubt be carried out with the same crack precision that Trump’s top allies have brought to every other government effort. This is a team that oozes competence out of every pore, after all. Among other things.