BREAKING NEWS: Saruman’s orcs are having a hard time finding jobs in the new post-Mordor economy. Several Uruk-hai have applied for au pair positions in the Shire and been flatly refused. Who knows why? Might have something to do with their brazen attempt to sack Gondor, but it could be anything, really.

Won’t someone think of the orcs? They need to eat, too!

By all rights, having worked for the Trump administration should essentially bar you from any kind of work—with the possible exception of squeegeeing the ex-pr*sident’s kingly moobs once a fortnight … or whenever he orders a 12-piece Chicken McNugget with extra sauces. And while that’s certainly more than a one-person job, unfortunately it’s not going to help the dozens of traitors who stuck with this doofus through thousands of lies, two impeachments, dozens of outrages, and one full-blown insurrection against the legitimate government of the United States.

According to a recent Bloomberg story, lawyers who served in the Trump administration are facing higher hurdles than members of past administrations when it comes to securing employment.

Bloomberg:

Trump lawyers have been more difficult to place than those who served in previous administrations, particularly if they were closely connected to his most controversial policies or if they lacked the experience past alumni had, said Lauren Drake, a partner at search firm Macrae.

Several companies and law firms distanced themselves from Trump after the Jan. 6 riot at the U.S. Capitol. Corporate law firm Crowell & Moring called for Trump’s removal from office and urged others to make the same demand. Law firms Morgan, Lewis & Bockius and Seyfarth Shaw dropped Trump and his businesses as clients.

“I don’t think anyone coming out of the George W. Bush administration was told, ‘We can’t hire this person,’” [former Trump administration Homeland Security attorney Ken] Cuccinelli said. “I’m sure Jan. 6 made it that much worse than it ever would have been.”

Gee, ya think? Jan. 6 made it much worse? You’d think lawyers for the Trump administration would have about as much chance of being hired elsewhere as Capt. Hazelwood did of getting another oil tanker gig, but that’s an unfair comparison … because the Exxon Valdez spill was a fucking accident

Cuccinelli, the deputy secretary of Homeland Security from late 2019 to early 2021, has personally discovered just how radioactive Trump was and is. After being considered for one particular corporate job, and being turned down, Cuccinelli told Bloomberg, “They just decided they didn’t want Trump people. It was just flat out—you can call it Trump discrimination.”

Sure, you can call it Trump discrimination. You could also call it common decency. The latter rings more true to me. 

Of course, there are competing theories as to why major law firms are showing such a reluctance to soil their pantaloons in public. 

Reed D. Rubinstein, who worked for the Trump Education Department, said the lack of interest in Trump’s henchmen has to do with “the extent to which Big Law has been captured by the political left.”

“To protect the middle and working class, we directly challenged the control, legitimacy, and power of the credentialed managerial class and their corporate institutions,” Rubinstein told Bloomberg. “So it’s not a surprise to me that they are hostile to Trump administration alumni.”

Sure, Reed. Whatever helps you sleep, my man.

Of course, this dynamic could change as Republicans proceed in their campaign to flush Jan. 6 down the memory hole. But for now, I’ll relish this limited—and perhaps temporary—comeuppance.

As far as I’m concerned, most Trump lackeys should be shunned from polite society altogether. Or impolite society, for that matter. Send them to Snake Island. They’d fit in better there anyway.

It made comedian Sarah Silverman say “THIS IS FUCKING BRILLIANT” and prompted author Stephen King to shout “Pulitzer Prize!!!” (on Twitter, that is). What is it? The viral letter that launched four hilarious Trump-trolling books. Get them all, including the finale, Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump, at this link. Just $12.96 for the pack of 4! Or if you prefer a test drive, you can download the epilogue to Goodbye, Asshat for the low, low price of FREE.

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