On Monday, Donald Trump claimed that he had “signed more bills” than “any president ever.” This is quite obviously a pile of hot steaming garbage, and was so obviously garbage when he said it that even Donald Trump, the man who lies about everything, all the time, immediately added a crucial dodge.
Shortly after the president made this statement, he amended it: “I better say ‘think,’ otherwise they’ll give you a Pinocchio. And I don’t like those — I don’t like Pinocchios.”
He’s referring to the Washington Post’s fact-checking columnist Glenn Kessler. Since he doesn’t appear to read newspapers, someone must have mentioned it on Fox News—but he’s got the strategy down. If you say something like the howler monkeys at our nation’s top zoos are secretly building an interstellar spaceship using only discarded popcorn bags the fact-checkers around the planet will ding you mightily, but if you say I think (the same obviously insane reality-bending assertion) they will send you on your way. Nobody can prove you don’t think that. You may be a gigantic idiot, or so uninformed as to be practically toddleresque, but in declaring that you “think” a stupendously stupid thing you have immunized yourself from claims that you’re simply lying about it.
So be it. We should believe him: Donald Trump honestly, genuinely thinks he has signed more bills at this point of his pretzeldenty than any other president ever, because he is just that ignorant about the core duties of his own job, and has not a single person who can educate him otherwise, and lives his life in a haze of what he “thinks” as opposed to what every other living being can see for themselves. He may be delusional. He may have dementia. It is impossible to say, but I think this is yet another episode that demonstrates him to be transcendently incapable of performing even the simplest duties of his office. He should probably resign.
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