Gage Skidmore / Flickr trump pence...
Gage Skidmore / Flickr

Just think about how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of them are even stupider than that!   George Carlin

I just started thinking about this recently, in the last day or so, brought on by an almost flyby news report, and it’s reaching the point where I’m starting to worry about having nocturnal emissions. But the way I look at is that, hell, if I tell all of you about it, then maybe I won’t be the only one making a mess of the sheets.

I’ve already covered in depth a lot of the various complexities in the vast chasm of difference between the way that GOP states are going about their designs for a grand reopening of their states, which basically amounts to Fuck it, let’s give it a shot, and the way that the Democratic governors are approaching reopening their states, which basically amounts to, We’ve done good so far, let’s not fuck it up now. But tucked in there is an incredibly fascinating subplot, and depending on how it actually plays out, it could turn out to be an absolutely monumental cluster fuck for the GOP, and the source of endless mirth and merriment for the rest of us.

Let me explain. Joe Biden is the presumptive Democratic nominee for President. Being Democrats, and therefore actually interested in the health and well being of not only their voters, but all citizens, and understanding fully the complexities that the coronavirus will bring to the 2020 campaign, the Democrats are already well along in their planning to execute a virtual convention for safety’s sake. El Pendejo Presidente has already snidely attacked the Democrats for being total wusses on Twitter. Business as usual.

But the GOP, solely at Trump’s direction and insistence, is locked into a different path. Trump has mandated that red states immediately reopen for business for one reason and one reason only. And that reason is that Emperor Gluteus Maximus poor, frail, shattered ego cannot go another day without the sugar high of 15,000 drooling retards screaming and licking their nuts while IL Douche bellows word salad at them from behind a podium on a stage somewhere. And the crown jewel of this national insanity is scheduled to be the Republican National Convention, to be held in Charlotte. North Carolina.

But here’s where the wicket gets sticky. It turns out that there are actually some cooler, sane heads in Charlotte, and they’re starting to have a little buyers remorse.  The numbers in North Carolina are not where they would like them to be, and in a state with considerable coastal beaches, this rush to reopen is going to increase the risk brought about by a collapse in social distancing and the public wearing of masks. This is not a comfortable position for either the state of North Carolina, nor the city of Charlotte to be in.

Let’s just say that the projection I’ve been putting forward comes to fruition, mainly that the states that reopened the earliest and hardest by Memorial Day weekend get absolutely hammered in the last two weeks of June. Confirmed cases, hospitalizations, and deaths are all on the rise. And just think, the 4th of July is only a week or two away, and how the hell are you going to pull the plug on that? Allowing the normal gestation period, you’re now talking about a new, possibly even worse influx of cases in the last week of July, and heading into the first week of August.

See, that’s the thing about crisis management, it takes planning,coordination, and time. If you’re the city of Charlotte, your ICU’s are at full capacity, the pandemic is still growing, and you have refrigerated trucks behind the morgue to store the bodies, how do you justify having 20,000 screaming morons wearing MAGA hats running around loose in your city from August 24-27th? You can’t. They represent an existential community public health crisis. If you’re the city of Charlotte, you have no choice but to pull the plug on the convention. And there’s nothing that Trump, the RNC, the GOP, or the federal government can do to stop that decision.

So, if you’re Trump and the GOP, what the hell do you do now? You put all of your eggs into that one basket? You don’t have the time, the resources, or the logistics to hunt up a last minute replacement. The Democrats are already spending months getting ready to put together as compelling and flawless of a virtual convention as they possibly can. What can Trump and the GOP possibly manage to cobble together in a couple of weeks? And that’s if you can get Brad Parscale to stop doing stupid donuts in shopping center parking lots and get out of his Ferrari.

So, there you have it. Trump’s voracious ego has forced the GOP to roll the dice on an all or nothing spastic reopening of the country to allow him to feed his voracious ego through mass rallies. But if it all backfires because, you know, like science and stuff, then it all comes down around his ears. Because neither Trump nor his campaign has put thought one into Plan Two, if the convention falls apart in Charlotte, then he’s boned, Sideways. You’ll have to excuse me now, I have to go and change the sheets again.

To know the future, look to the past.before the insanity of the 2020 election, relive the insanity of the 2016 GOP primary campaign, and the general election, to see how we got to where we are. Copies of President Evil, and the sequel, President Evil II, A Clodwork Orange are available as e-books on Amazon, at the links above. Catch up before the upcoming release of the third book in the trilogy, President Evil III: All The Presidents Fen

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This is a Creative Commons article. The original version of this article appeared here.


  1. Our shit for brains 2” IMPOTUS reports directly to putin. His banker. So far this despicable pile of shit has killed more Americans than people killed at Hiroshima.
    He has bankrupted the country for the second time in twelve years. You know what the commonality in all of this is?
    Moscow mitch. The guy that got kicked out of the army after only one month for “sodomy”. You can’t make this shit up….


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