DonkeyHotey / Flickr Donald Trump Caricature...
DonkeyHotey / Flickr

This is just getting silly now. But at least His Lowness has nobody to blame but himself. When you get a reputation for stiffing your lawyers for their work, you shouldn’t be surprised when high ticket firms with actual paying clients are suddenly too swamped for new business when you come knocking at their door, hat in hand. But it doesn’t make what’s going on right now any less silly.

Look, Donald Trump has made a career out of calling people liars every time they say something negative about him. He called a biographer a liar and tried to sue him for an obscene amount of money for doing some research and saying that he wasn’t actually worth billions. He called the sixteen women who accused him of sexual hanky-panky liars, and threatened to sue them too. Trump regularly calls reporters liars for reporting on uncomfortable truths. Calling others liars is as natural for Trump as breathing, he doesn’t need any help with that.

But, when it comes to people who have trained for years, and are being paid a shitload of money to keep your moldy self out of the crossbar Hilton, one would think that they bring a little more to the table. But apparently not, at least where Trumps legal beagles are concerned. Carole Leonnig of the Washington Post is reporting that the Trump legal team has been plotting and strategizing for weeks now as to just how to handle Michael Flynn. It appears that Flynn is currently rolling over like clothes in a dryer for Robert Mjueller, and the fear is that if he picks up steam, he could end up rolling right over Trump and his inner circle of dimwits.

So, here’s the brilliant legal strategy for dealing with Flynn, the result of weeks of high level legal research and plotting. “You lie!!!” Yep. That’s it. “You lie.” Actually, I kind of like it, it has a certain “We’re so fucked” quality to it. The legal defense of the most powerful politician on earth seems to be, “I’m made out of rubber, you’re made out of glue, anything you say bounces off of me and sticks to you.” Every time I see the Trump legal team in action, I appreciate just how popular those colleges that advertise on the insides of matchbook covers must be.

It isn’t just the moronic simplicity of this line of defense that boggles the mind, it’s the implication. Apparently Ty Cobb, Jay Sekulow, John Dowd et al seem to believe that Robert Mueller graduated from Jim Bobs School of Criminal Justice and Bait Shop too. Only in the Kiddie Kampus Law School does a prosecutor catch a criminal, threaten him with a lengthy vacation in durance vile, and then go running out prosecuting anybody the miscreant mentions just cuz he said they were bad guys. If these mental midgets honestly think that Robert Mueller is going to accuse their flourescent headed client of anything without coming up with corroborating evidence or testimony of everything Michael Flynn says, then they must have paid Jim Bob extra to skip classes and final exams and go straight to graduation day.

All I’m gonna say is thi. If the House ever gets around to drawing up articles of impeachment for Trump, I hope like hell that one of these legal poodles ends up defending him in the Senate trial. Any one of them. The verdict vote will be unanimous, 100-0 for conviction. Life lesson for ya Donnie. You get what you pay for.

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