Get it straight meatball! I. Don’t. Work. For. Toons! Eddie Valiant Who Framed Roger Rabbit
We Irish take a lot of shit. There’s the jokes about our fealty to the Catholic church. The jokes about our clumsy skills between the sheets (What is Irish foreplay? Brace yourself Bridget!). Jokes about our well known affinity for alcohol and fisticuffs. Hell, Mel Brooks even dusted off the very real signs of the old saying “No Irish need apply” in a line in Blazing Saddles. Personally, I love it. You mopes are so jealous.
But if there’s one thing that nobody jokes about, it’s the devious skills that we Sons of Eire bring to politics. After all, when you spend a couple of centuries subverting the rule of the snooty Brits, you damn well learn the secrets to organization and political structure. See the legacy political “machines” constructed by the Irish in Chicago and Boston. And who can forget the lasting legacy of the grand old Irish name of Kennedy on national politics.
But that being said, Jesus, Mary, and Joseph if Mick Mulvaney doesn’t make a man ashamed to wear the green!! From what backwater, ramshackle country thatch covered hut did this benighted sot crawl out of? His performance today was enough to make a true harpie want to spring from his own pocket for an Ancestry DNA test for Mulvaney, just to make sure that this isn’t some cruel joke!
I’m not going to relive the whole sorry spectacle, but here are just the lowlights of why Mulvaney should be banished to wander around a village square, in a multi colored vest, wearing a hat with little gold bells flopping from four pointy ends. When I’m done, I think you’ll understand why my “Irish is up.”
First of all, Mulvaney violated the cardinal rule of Irish politics, the silly bastard admitted something! Ever since the whistle blower complaint surfaced, the White House has spent the entire time passionately insisting that there was no quid pro quo! Mulvaney blew that out of the water this morning, and even worse, he sounded like Mel Brooks as King Louie in History of the World Part I, Come on, you do it. You know you do it. We all do it. I just did it, and I’m ready to do it again! Don’t tell me that you don’t do it! Moron Mulvaney just advertised, full front page in the New York Times, that not only did the administration force a quid pro quo from the Ukraine, they do it every single time that they deal with a foreign government!
Second of all, this wilted shamrock tried a little sleight-of-hand misdirection that only made things ten times worse. He said that while there was a quid pro quo, it was geared towards corruption between the Ukraine and the Democrats in 2016 over the DNC server, it had nothing to do with the Bidens. Oh, so the Democrats pegging the wrong corruption make it all better? Imagine a scruffy looking guy sitting in a wooden chair in a room with no windows, with a bright light shining on him. The lead detective snarls, OK lefty, we know you hit that bank on Third street! Tell us where you stashed the loot, and we’ll have the judge go easy on ya at sentencing! To which Lefty replies. Wadda you morons talking about? I didn’t even know that there was a bank on Third Street! I knocked over the bank at Pine and Ninth, and I ain’t telling youse clowns shit! I swear, Saint Jude himself doesn’t have enough charity for a lost cause like this one.
That should be just about as much damage as one person is capable of, but Mulvaney sn’t through yet. Because he’s a moron savant, Mulvaney tips his mitts to the real purpose of the scam. He claims that Trump couldn’t care less about Biden and his offspring, Trump was solely concerned with corruption in the Ukraine in the 2016 election! Um yeah, whatever you say Jack.
Quick story. Last year, my beloved Golden Knights got jobbed sideways in the playoffs. A terrible call in game seven allowed the San Jose Sharks to score 4 goals in the last 5 minutes and win in overtime. During the off season, the NHL came out and admitted that it was a terribly blown call, that likely cost the Golden Knights the series. Did the Sharks hold a press conference, and angrily demand an investigation into the collusion between the NHL and the Golden knights? Of course not. Because they fucking WON!
There was/is absolutely no reason for Trump to care what did or didn’t go on between the Democrats and Ukraine in 2016, simply because whatever it was or wasn’t it didn’t fucking work! On the other hand, proving that there was some nefarious link between the Ukrainians and the Democrats in 2016 would go a long way towards making it easier for His Lowness to lift sanctions on Russia, since we were blaming the wrong miscreants all along. Not only did Mulvaney admit that there was a quid pro quo, and not only did he admit that the Trump administration is corrupt and self dealing in all of their relationships with foreign countries, he managed to once again shine the spotlight on Trump’s self appointed role as a home colonoscopy kit for Vlad the Imp.
‘Now d’ya see why I’m stomping around like a leprechaun who just had his pot of gold emptied by a passing wayfarer? Left to his own devices, this clown Mulvaney is going to strip us of the only legitimate claim to fame that we have in this country, political mastery. Maybe Eddie Valiant doesn’t work for Toons, but it sure seems like Mick Mulvaney does. He must be stopped! Sweet Jesus, I need a drink.
To know the future, look to the past. before the insanity of the 2020 election, relive the insanity of the 2016 GOP primary campaign, and the general election, to see how we got to where we are. Copies of President Evil, and the sequel, President Evil II, A Clodwork Orange are available as e-books on Amazon, at the links above. Catch up before the upcoming release of the third book in the trilogy, President Evil III: All The Presidents Fen