CNN / YouTube Mueller is investigating the Trump money...
CNN / YouTube

This is starting to get almost ridiculously funny. When they were riding the Trump “wave” on the way up, the GOP loved every single word that came out of Donald Trump’s mouth. Now that it’s starting to look like the damn wave may capsize the lifeboat, everybody wants him to shut his pie hole. But mark my words, they’re going to have the opposite effect.

When His Lowness proclaimed once again that not only would he talk to Mueller, under oath yet, but that he was looking forward to talking to Mueller, suddenly everybody wants him to shut his pie hole. Tight. The new secret password to the GOP tree house is “Perjury Trap.” Trump’s old sleazebag buddy Roger Stone used it like three times in one interview. He isn’t the only one. In the current day GOP, “Perjury Trap” is the political equivalent to “I was just cleaning my gun, and the damn thing went off…Five times…Accidentally aimed at his head.”

My favorite so far is Trey Goudey. He appeared on a morning show this morning and solemnly opined that there are both legal issues as well as political issues involved in talking to Mueller, and Trump will have to decide whether or not the political issues outweigh the legal issues. Trey Goudey is a lawyer. He is also apparently an idiot. If that statement is a sample of his legal expertise, I wouldn’t let him to to court for me on a parking ticket. The only thing that Trump and his as yet unsuspecting pro bono lawyers have to decide is if they want Trump to talk to Mueller in an interview, or in front of a grand jury. If Mueller wants him to talk, he is going to have to talk. Either that, or take the fifth amendment, and expose the GOP as the most inept organized crime family since “The gang that couldn’t shoot straight,” run by Don Dorkleone himself.

Anybody who has followed The Tangerine Tantrum over the long haul knows exactly what these people are doing. Since Trump won’t listen to anybody but the voice of Zuul in his head in person, they’re trying to talk to him through the media, which he listens to religiously. This is nothing new, in fact it’s old hat. Back during the campaign, KellyaAnne Conway admitted in a magazine interview that she regularly sprinkled coded instructions to her boss in her TV interviews to get him to listen. That was back in her salad days, before she got the heave ho from the network airwaves. These days, I think she has to whisper it to whomever Trump wants to sleep with at the moment. But the problem is, it won’t work in this instance.

Pop quiz! How many of you have children? Some on, let’s see a show of hands. OK, what happened every time you told your 3 year old not to do something? Obviously, it shot to number one on the kid’s bucket list for the day. But, what happened if you told junior he couldn’t go to bed until he picked up all of his toys? He was in bid like a shot, under the covers, faking snoring before you even had a chance to change him into pajamas. And as we have all learned the hard way by now, mentally and emotionally Herr Gropinfuror is a three year old.

Throughout the last two years plus, what has Trump done every time somebody has told him not to do something? Doubled down on it. When they told him it was political suicide to attack Mexicans as rapists and murderers, what did he do? He doubled down, throwing Muslims in for good measure. He will do whatever he’s told not to do out of pure spite if for no other reason. After all, he’s the smartest man ever, he went to the best schools, and his memory is like a Cray supercomputer. And to Trump’s feeble, narcissistic mind, Robert Mueller is right in his wheelhouse. Bullshit is Trump’s stock in trade, no lawyer is a match for him, especially not one stupid enough to have belonged to one of his overpriced golf clubs. And one more thing. Trump has spent his entire adult life creating a fantasy world in which everything he says and does is right. He believes his own bullshit. And he’s about to find out the hard way that there is no “alternate court” where his version of facts are permitted.

So, please Republicans, keep yammering away at the top of your lungs about how so much as saying “Hey, how it hanging” to Robert Mueller is political suicide. It’s music to his ears. After all, didn’t he show all of those losers that thought that his multiple bankruptcies were a death knell for his company? As President Obama once said, “Please continue GOP.”

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