To: Rod Rosenstein
Subject: House congressional testimony
At your earliest convenience, but by the close of business tomorrow, please carefully review the testimony of FBI agent Peter Strzok in front of the combined House committee yesterday. This should serve as a tutorial for your future dealings with spineless, bullying little GOP toadies in your future congressional testimony. If you require further assistance, please also review former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton’s testimony in front of the House Select Committee on Benghazi. In the future, we fully expect that there will be no more gratuitous concessions to the incessant demands of worms like Devin Nunes for additional documents or information in the ongoing Mueller investigation. Your complete cooperation is sincerely appreciated.
Hugs and kisses
The American people
Boy, oh boy! You rarely get to see the kind of unrestrained ass whuppin’ that Peter strzok laid on Bob Goodlatte, Trey Gowdy, and the rest of the petty tyrants of what passes for House oversight. If it had been a 12 round title fight, it would have been stopped in the last minute of the third round.
You know, I really think that we need to start collecting DNA samples from the GOP House leadership. You normally don’t see this kind of blinding stupidity outside of failed lab experiments. I predicted to my wife on Wednesday night that it would go like this, for two simple reasons. First, like Clinton before him, Strzok wold be exquisitely prepared for the antics of the GOP Trump whisperers. Second, Strzok would have an Everest sized chip on his shoulder to get some payback for a year of being slandered, misquoted, and misrepresented. And man, did he get his pound of flesh!
While I’m sure that soulless propaganda spinmeisters like Laura Ingraham and Sean Hannity were thrilled to play endless loops of Gowdy and Goober Gohmert, hammering Strzok without bothering to play any of his replies, for anybody getting their news from an unfiltered outlet, this was a total debacle for the GOP.
For one thing, Strzok’s quiet dignity, and calm under fire only exposed the GOP attempts to slander him for what they were, a craven attempt to distract from the Mueller investigation, and cover Glorious Bleater’s pasty ass. For another, as I noted in the memo, it provided an A-B-C primer for Rod Rosenstein for his future entanglements with the House committees. And as an extra bonus, it showed that the Democrats are capable of not only setting the table for a witness by lobbing cupcake follow up questions to allow a GOP interrupted witness to complete his original answer, it also showed that they have learned how to disrupt the GOP flow with skillful use of parliamentary procedures and strategic interruptions.
But most importantly, Strzok’s testimony was kryptonite for the GOP, and by extension Trump, to all viewers who picked up even only the highlights from non FOX media. This is because by dragging Strzok in front of the cameras, they gave him a chance to do the one thing they couldn’t survive. They allowed him to put practical perspective on what appeared to be the most inflammatory texts. For instance, by explaining when he spoke of a “disruptive Trump Presidency,” he said that he was referring to Trump’s incendiary remarks about walking away from NATO allies the night before. And his now infamous “He won’t. We’ll stop him” text, so beloved of the GOP to show his dark intentions to damage Trump? Well, turns out that when he said “we,” he was talking about the American people having too much common sense and self respect to elect a man who disgraced the nation by belittling the Khan family at the convention.
But the real neutron bomb was Strzok dismantling the entire GOP three legged coffee table by reminding the entire country, along with the GOP committee members, that if he had wanted to sink Trump’s little blue boat, all he had to do would have been to leak even a confirmation that the Trump campaign was under serious FBI counter intelligence investigation for possibly colluding with, or accepting assistance from, a hostile foreign government to alter the outcome of the election. Instead, the FBI went to the extreme lengths of even misleading newspapers like the New York Times of the very existence of said investigation.
You can’t say that the GOP didn’t have fair warning, once before they thought they had a wounded bear, ready for the kill, only to be mauled in the process of taking aim. But I think that Forrest Gump’s beloved mother summed it up best when she opined the quaint but telling phrase, “Stupid is as stupid does.” Here endeth the lesson.