In politics, there is a common but popular phrase: “If you are explaining, you are losing.” A right-wing candidate for Philadelphia District Attorney didn’t get the memo. Charles Peruto, Jr. is a Republican candidate running for Philadelphia District Attorney. He is trying to unseat the Democratic candidate, Larry Krasner. The website for his law firm features his mug prominently, which I’m not sure does him any favors. He has been a criminal defense attorney for years, and has represented several alleged mob bosses

If you pop on over to Peruto’s candidate website, it’s filled with the standard stuff you’d imagine for a Republican. He says Philadelphia is a crime-ridden city with “bullets flying from every section” because “Minorities continue to vote for the most liberal candidate in most elections and that must stop.” Nothing said about local police corruption or the problem with white mobs in Port Richmond and Fishtown assaulting people, but I digress. The truth is that most Republicans believe minorities are a problem, which is why they try to block voting access for them. 

In other words, he’s a standard GOP candidate. Yet what struck me as odd was his ABOUT section.  After the standard fare about “liberal newspapers” (for the MAGA crowd) and the rant about how the Democratic incumbent is backed by George Soros (for the antisemitic crowd), he has a section entitled “The Girl in my Bathtub.” He explains the death of a 26-year-old woman in his mansion eight years ago, with whom he had a romantic relationship. He laments having to put this section here, but says he has to because “silly things” in a candidate’s background will come up.  Even if that “silly thing” is a dead woman found in his own bathtub.   

This is not something that a guy running as a law and order candidate typically has to explain, but he does, and it’s even weirder than you think. 

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So, let’s do this. These are actual quotes from that section of his website.

I fully realize that when you run for an office as high as that of District Attorney, you will be examined with a magnifying glass and even a microscope.  It is what it is.

THERE.WAS.A.DEAD.WOMAN found in your bathtub!! I don’t need a microscope for that, and yes, you might have expected to get a question or two about this when running for DA!

In 2013, I was dating a girl for about 6 weeks, and didn’t really know her.  I learned more about her after she died by reading an investigative article done by Philadelphia Magazine, written by Lisa DePaulo, which opened my eyes.  

So … you were a crappy boyfriend to boot.

In short, the best way to start with this is the Medical Examiner’s report.  Her BAC was .45. The cause of death was alcohol intoxication, but because she was found in my tub, everyone, including myself, assumed she drowned.  So many empty vodka bottles were found, it looked like there was a party in my house, but inspection of the security video of people entering and leaving showed only her.  

I thought you said you didn’t really know her? Why is she taking baths in your house? Where did she get all that alcohol?  And where the hell were you? 

Boy, really clearing things up here, huh? This was such a good idea.

When I was finally permitted to re-enter my apartment, there was black dust everywhere, which was residue from collecting fingerprint evidence.  

You will never understand how hard it is to clean that, until you are in that position.  

I might have mentioned this:

THERE.WAS.A.DEAD.WOMAN in your bathtub!!!! I’d be a little more freaked about that than cleaning up some fingerprint dust. And why the hell wouldn’t investigators be looking for clues?

P.S. If some guy ever starts griping to me about how hard it is to clean up fingerprint dust in their house, I’m looking for the exit.

The long story short is that I was not her only boyfriend, but it was my apartment where she expired.  If it was another boyfriend’s apartment, you would have never heard of the case.  

Yeah, when dead people happen in my house, people get suspicious for some reason. No one ever gets suspicious of the neighbors who don’t have a dead body in their house. 

A bitter enemy of mine, District Attorney Seth Williams, decided to present this case to the Grand Jury after homicide detectives cleared me of any wrongdoing….

Instead of me hiding and refusing to give a statement or explaining myself, I took to Facebook, and called him every name in the book.  

Well, that’s just good lawyering. Hell of a legal strategy there. Heck, why not just offer to fight him outside in broad daylight?

At one point, I actually offered to fight him in front of the District Attorney’s Office with his 3 police guards observing.

Spoke too soon …

Finally, I was subpoenaed before the Grand Jury, along with my secretary, son, and just about everyone I knew, or knew the girl and myself together.  Everyone assumed that I would plead the Fifth Amendment, but I went in there and answered every question put to me, and literally had an applause from the Grand Jury when I was done.  I’ve never heard of such a thing in my life.

Sure, and then everyone in the store applauded

For the record, I don’t care how good your alibi is, if I’m a juror and you are explaining to me how you definitely had nothing to do with a young woman’s death, I’m not clapping for you at the end.

I made it a crusade to find any dirt I could on Seth Williams, and send it to the Feds for prosecution.  While I’m not claiming I was the reason he was imprisoned, I would like to think that I was a small part of it.  

I was going to attend his sentencing with pom poms, but I decided that would be unprofessional.  

Yes, unlike offering to fight him in the street or calling him names on Facebook. Charles is all about class.

The most telling thing about this guy is the fact that he refers to a dead, adult woman as “the girl” throughout his explanation. Her name is not important. She comes across in his explanation as an annoying road bump to him seeking higher office.  The disrespectful way he handles her death is far more telling about his character than what he tries to make hers out to be. Her life may have been cut short, but the silver lining is that her death exposed what kind of man he is, and ensures he will never be elected to anything in his life.

For that, we all owe this woman a big debt of gratitude. 

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