It was all fun and games on Wednesday. In an extraordinary display of white privilege, a mob of fascists celebrated as they overran U.S. Capitol Police, smashed windows, terrorized staff, trashed the place, left pipe bombs outside of offices on Capitol grounds, and assaulted people with metal pipes while hunting for House representatives, senators, and most of all, Vice President Mike Pence.

They took selfies, stole sensitive items from representatives’ offices, and livestreamed the carnage. Y’know, super fun stuff!  It’s not like anyone got hurt—there was “no violence in the crowd,” according to the Trumpist leader of the Chicago’s police union, John Catanzara. Well, except for Capitol Police, several whom are still in critical condition, as well as USCP Officer Brian Sicknick, who died from his wounds Thursday. Oh, and the death of several Trumpists must not count, either.

But other than that it was hilarious and fun, right? Those pictures show the terrorists all having a ball. It was all good, they told themselves, because Trump literally told them, while they were violently wreaking havoc, that he ” loves” them and that they were “special!” Of course, he also told them he would march with them to the Capitol, right after he told them to head over there and make problems for “weak” Republicans. Trump isn’t good at keeping his word. He didn’t go with them—he got out of dodge. And 24 hours later, Trump did a 180: The very same mob he incited to riot, which he praised as patriots? He now says they must “be made to pay.” Oh crap. No pardons, huh?

Their cult leader just turned on them to save his own skin. (Too late.) Let’s be real: The president was trying to stage a coup. He resisted sending in troops to quell his own mob. He knows the mountain of corruption and sexual assault charges that await him at noon on Jan. 20, if not sooner. The events of Jan. 6 were Trump’s last-ditch effort. It failed, so he’s cut his MAGA morons loose.

Now those idiots realize they aren’t going to be facing simple breaking and entering charges. Instead, they might be indicted for serious federal crimes, like:

  • Seditious conspiracy
  • Damage to federal property
  • Use of explosives
  • Crossing state lines to commit crimes
  • Rebellion and Insurrection

Double crap. Any thoughts of, “Maybe they won’t find me?” are immediately followed by, “Oh wait. I posted it all on Parler. Damn.”

Right now, the live-streaming insurrectionists are already losing their jobs. A boatload of them. Yet that’s nothing compared to what is coming. Facing 20 years in prison or worse, that traitorous and celebratory fun suddenly doesn’t seem like so much fun. Especially for those who participated and still have a lot to lose.

In other words, “My bad.”

I guess that CEO—whose name is Brad Rukstales—is hoping he’ll be given a mulligan for his role in the failed coup, much like the one Lindsey Graham wants to offer Trump. But no dice. A new administration is coming in just days, and the guy that insurgents like Rukstales were willing to throw away their lives for just called them “criminals.”

That guy who invaded Nancy Pelosi’s office, who wrote a note to her that read “Nancy, Bigo was here, you bitch!”? Well, it turns out he was innocent in all this. He was just looking for the bathroom, see.

“I didn’t do anything. I didn’t breach the doors. I got shoved in. I didn’t mean to be there. Hell. I was walking around looking for a bathroom.

We went to peacefully protest and that’s what we were doing. They started it. Our own police started it.”

Even people who didn’t enter the Capitol building and are not facing any charges are now trying to apologize, because, it turns out, supporting the attempted overthrow of the government is bad for business. Donald Rouse, Sr. co-owns a Gulf Coast grocery store chain and apologized after he was identified in the crowd, launching the current boycott of his stores.

“I’m horrified by the violence and destruction we saw yesterday and the pain it has caused so many. Our country desperately needs to come together to heal, and I will do everything I can to be a part of that process.”

Whoopsie daisy, Donald!

Rouse is retired, but he’d probably still have an easier time finding work than people who worked for Trump.

Expect many more people who stormed the Capitol to suddenly say they were “pushed” in or just looking for the bathroom, and that they are super-duper sorry about participating in that whole violent coup attempt thing.

The FBI is trying to identify insurrectionists. If you have any information, go to fbi.gov/uscapitol

Liked it? Take a second to support Associate Editor on Patreon!


  1. Yes, these people had no idea what was going on. Many were just walking around marveling that they made it in. There was little direction. That was the good news. Now the bad news. If these had been people form South Amywhere they have a coup almost every election we would be boning up on Spanish and there would be several vacancies in our government because they would have executed many leaders. That is what we need to understand. This isn’t, honey I forgot the milk. This is real life terrorism. And it happened in our capital.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here