“Pizza! Pizza!”  That is of course, the iconic slogan I grew up hearing from the Detroit, MI based, Little Caesars pizza company.  Founded in 1959, the chain has become known for being fast, and relative to other chains, quite inexpensive.  In the world of pizza, and mind you, in only my opinion, it falls somewhere in the range of “It will do,” to, “Better than I expected.”  It’s not bad.  It is also usually pretty fast.  In the case of this particular Knoxville Little Caesars, it wasn’t fast enough, but it also was lucky.  Which in this situation, was better than good.

Officers responded to the store on Cedar Bluff Rd around 9 p.m. on Nov. 5 where witnesses said the suspect, later identified as Charles Doty Jr. became angry after being told about the wait and asked for free breadsticks. An incident report states he then left the store to wait and returned with an AK-47 in hand, demanding the pizza immediately.

Since 1997, Little Caesars has marketed its “Hot-N-Ready” pizza.  It is basically their way of saying. “Sure you can find better pizza.  But we have pizza to offer you right now!”  This backfired in this case, as it appears their “Hot-N-Ready” pizza case was empty.  Mr. Doty expected pizza, right then and there.  

Another person in the store who had already gotten their order handed Doty her pepperoni pizza and he fled the scene before police arrived.

Surveillance video showed the suspect threatened an employee who was attempting to leave from his shift and prevented him from freely doing so. That victim then fled the lobby to the back room of the business and called 911.

Gee, I don’t know why the restaurant/retail/labor world has worker shortages.  Who wouldn’t want to work for low pay, few benefits, and have to deal with customers who do not understand the concept of how pizza bakes. 

You've gotta be kitten me right meow! - Youve gotta be kitten me! -  quickmeme

You see when Mr. Doty went in for the pizza using his gun, he demanded pizza immediately.  And as was previously communicated to Mr. Impatient, they did not have a pizza to give him.  And since this was not Papa Murphy’s they were not equipped to hand him raw ingredients for him to eat while possibly chanting about JFK Jr. on the parking lot, either.

As we all know, except for apparently Mr. Pizza Rambo, that isn’t how pizza works.  A pizza does not bake faster because you point a gun at it.  Thus without realizing it, Mr. Doty was not just asking for a pizza they did not have, he was also asking the pizzas that were baking to defy science.  Recognizing this, a quick thinking customer gave the suspect her “Hot-N-Ready” pepperoni pizza.  Because science.

Now Mr. Doty faces a $50,000 fine and some 15-60 years in the iron bar pizza oven and needs $90,000 for bail, all because he did not want to wait an extra ten minutes for a $6 pizza, and likely did not understand the science preventing the employees from magically producing a completed pizza on demand.

There is no word on the heroic customer, although I would suggest to CEO David Scrivano that he consider presenting the quick thinking customer with a certificate for all of the “Hot-N-Ready” pizzas she wants for the rest of her life.

I would just let him know in advance if they are on an extra wait.  Maybe on those days, she could  just have them bring it to the car.

-ROC

I am weak, dealing with a stretch of fatigue I have been unable to pinpoint.  We continue to monitor for cancer recurrence.  This is the only living my health allows me to earn and I appreciate you.  My newsletter is unaffected. Sign up here to subscribe!  It publishes every Wednesday and is full of original reporting, laughs, and fun!

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