#TedCruzHasNoBalls is trending on Twitter. For the love of Ted Cruz, please make it stop

I’m no fan of Ted Cruz, but this is so, so unfair. He almost certainly has testicles. He has a daughter who finds him frightfully off-putting, after all:

ted-cruz-kisses-daughter.gif

They say blood is thicker than water, but Ted Cruz revulsion is universal.

So the #TedCruzHasNoBalls hashtag got started because Cruz attempted to make a joke, which is never a good idea for him:

And then things just spiraled out of control.

Anyway, here are some examples of things you definitely should not be posting on Twitter, even though Cruz is now besties with the man who called his wife ugly and implied his father was behind the JFK assassination:

And, no, Ted Cruz is not the Zodiac Killer, either. The timeline is impossible. What, do you think Cruz bathes in the blood of abducted infants inside his vampire lair under Space Mountain Disneyland in order to remain youthful-looking because in reality he’s the ancient, primeval incarnation of pure, insensate evil?

I mean, ha. What? Seriously?

Okay, come to think of it, that theory actually checks out.

But he almost certainly has balls.

(By the way, “having balls” does not make you brave. Hillary Clinton, for example, has more courage than all the male Republican congresspeople put together. You might say she has real ovarian grit. Or something. The “no balls” shtick is just part of the vernacular. End disclaimer. Please don’t get testes with me.)

 

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6 Comments on "#TedCruzHasNoBalls is trending on Twitter. For the love of Ted Cruz, please make it stop"

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John Johnson
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John Johnson

TRUE he has NO BALLS. No person would say those things about my Wife and Family and get away with it! We would’ve had a date behind the woodshed!!! I would LOVE to meet tRUMP back their!!!!!!!!!AS$HOLE!!!

Inzane
Guest
Inzane

It would appear thr metamorphosis involves the atrophy of the testiticles as the lips get closer to Trump’s butt.

SimonDK
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SimonDK

Making gun bacon and trying – and failing to dribble a basket…wait for it – ball. Ted doesn’t do well with balls, guns, daughters, wives – And who could forget the look on his mother’s face in that video of his, where he says she prays for him non-stop. Why he would need that much prayer, I can’t even begin to imagine.

Marie Tobias
Member

In much the same way Ambassador Thorn prayed about his adopted son Damien…

Alaqua
Guest
Alaqua

Kudos

Marie Tobias
Member

Apparently, when a well-known authority was asked “If the rumor going around that he was also dickless, had any validity?” he replied;

https://youtu.be/gakZmR0BqYs