Trump Explains Green Energy and Cosmology In 30 Second Rant

Donald Trump spoke at the USA Turning Point Student Action Summit in West Palm Beach Florida on Saturday and it was incomprehensible, as usual. Here is a partial transcript, courtesy of the Axios newsletter. They featured this snippet as their quote of the day. Trump starts out talking about windmills, a subject on which he is expert, as you have undoubtedly heard. He apparently feels safe discoursing on this topic, because he keeps returning to it. He has informed us in the recent past that windmills a) cause cancer b) kill birds, including eagles c) ruin television reception d) drive down property values. So if you’re taking notes on Trump’s windmill expertise, for a doctoral thesis, or anything, here’s the latest from his compendium of knowledge. “We’ll have an economy based on wind. I never understood wind. You know, I know windmills very much. I’ve studied it better than anybody I know. It’s very expensive. They’re made in China and Germany mostly — very few made here, almost none. But they’re manufactured tremendous — if you’re into this — tremendous fumes. Gases are spewing into the atmosphere. Gases are spewing into the atmosphere. Trump knows, because he can see them. They may be invisible to the likes of you and me, but we’re not “Chosen” okay? He continued, with this observation. (That sound you hear is Galileo and Copernicus turning in their graves and screaming.) You know we have a world, right? So the world is tiny compared to the universe. As stated, this quote is taken from the transcript of Trump’s talk on Saturday. Now I’m going to share with you a piece of satire i wrote on Trump talking about cosmology, on the day of the total eclipse, August 19, 2017, and you tell me if you can tell the difference. First, Andy Borowitz kicked in his two cents. WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Attacking the media for its “very unfair” coverage of Monday’s solar eclipse, Donald J. Trump said on Saturday that the sun was equally to blame for blocking the moon. “The fake news is covering the eclipse from the sun’s side instead of the moon’s side, but if you look at it from the moon’s side the sun is blocking the moon’s side,” he said. “There are so many sides you can’t count all the sides.” Additionally, Trump tore into the sun itself, calling it a “showboat” for its role in the solar eclipse. “The sun thinks the world revolves around it,” Trump said. “Sad.” Now here’s what I wrote in response to Borowitz. Trump also says that the eclipse is nothing more than a hoax perpetrated in the name of fear mongering. “Probably what’s really going on is that the moon is trying to eat the sun because moons do that, all the moons in the galaxy of the solar system do that, if you believe in science, which I don’t.” He elaborated, “I’m very happy that we were able to schedule the eclipse for my administration, and if the people like this one, we’re going to schedule another one very soon. We’re going to Make America Dark Again.” The key here is that both Borowitz and myself were trying to sound insane and get a laugh. In point of fact, we sound infinitely more cogent than Trump. He’s the one whose cosmological insights […]

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