Liars, and Bribers, and Dares, Oh MY!

Just pour me a drink, and I’ll tell you my lies   Neil Diamond   Love n The Rocks They’ve managed to come up with a saying for when either an outcome, or a circumstance is predetermined, they say that it’s already baked in the cake. If that’s what they’re going to say this weekend about the GOP’s televised defense of His Lowness as the noose tightens, then all I can say is that I haven’t seen a cake lie that way since my 4 year old tried to use her Easy Bake Oven while wearing mittens. The biggest thing that I noticed this weekend was the total lack of coherence from Trump’s dwindling number of defenders willing to debase themselves in front of their constituents every Sunday morning. Cast your mind back to the Mueller investigation. The GOP messaging and discipline was almost perfect. That’s because it was linear and direct. Starting on Friday, the GOP response to the vote on the public hearing ground rules, as well as other events, has been all over the map. There is a good reason for this. With Mueller, either Trump himself, or one of his comm shop mouthpieces tweeted or spoke the official “company line,” and everybody else just fell in line and parroted it. But since it became clear that there would be open hearings, and almost certainly articles of impeachment from the House, Trump has totally melted down, sending out hysterical tweets and statements, like Hitler in the Chancellery bunker, none of which are coherent for his minions to recite. And so you end up with a message that sounds like an answering machine that had a diet Coke spilled on it. For instance, on the one hand, you’ve got Tom Cole, the congress critter from Oklahoma, who comes across on TV like one of those dudes who wants to sell you a used car on a Sunday morning wresting commercial, trying out the old Mueller we’re too fucking stupid to be criminals defense. His point was, “Look, forget the phone call, and the facts. What ultimately happened is that the money was released, and the Ukrainian government never did the investigation. If that’s a quid pro quo, then it’s got to be one of the shittiest quid pro quo’s I’ve ever seen.” Hell Tom, I agree, Trump is truly fucking pathetic, but the fact that it didn’t work doesn’t mean that it wasn’t attempted extortion! And on the other hand, you have Representative Steve Scalise, who went with the old don’t look at that shit, look at this shit instead line of defense. When questioned about the scandal, Scalise looked earnestly into the camera, and lied his ass off, saying that there was no quid pro quo, that the phone call wasn’t about the Bidens, it was about corruption, all about Ukrainian meddling in the 2016 election on behalf of the Democrats. Personally, if I was Steve Scalise, had been shot in the thigh and almost bled to death on a Virginia baseball diamond, required enough surgeries to construct Frankenstein’s monster, and lost a wheelchair race in the capitol rotunda to Senator Tammy Duckworth, the last thing I would be doing with my second chance would be wasting it shilling for a third rate scumbag like Trump. And it only got worse from there. You have Trumpenstein himself, obviously not wanting to be impeached for a misunderstanding over the semantics of his phone call […]

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