Tag:Rodents

Did You Hear The One About The Rat That Fell Into The White House Correspondent’s Lap?

Oh, just forget about the You Can’t Make This Shit Up file. It started out as a thing apart from us, a glitch in the matrix perhaps, then it grew to the size of an island and then it fit into a small, hollow moon. But all that’s changed now. Today and for some time, we live inside of that file. We are all the You Can’t Make This Shit Up players. Therefore, the latest in mundane reality, which, if this happened during the Obama years would be huge screaming red chyrons, is that a rodent, let’s call him Ben, fell out of the ceiling during a White House press briefer and right into NBC correspondent’s Peter Alexander’s lap. In other news: A mouse literally fell out of the ceiling in our White House booth and landed on my lap. — Peter Alexander (@PeterAlexander) October 1, 2019 Maybe it’s another whistle blower and is seeking asylum at NBC. Ya spose? Or, maybe it’s leery of Mike Pounce. We know how it feels. The most excitement in the White House briefing room in months. Reporters attempt to capture a baby mouse that fell on ⁦@PeterAlexander⁩ lap moments ago pic.twitter.com/6zWRZfTAaq — Shannon Pettypiece (@spettypi) October 1, 2019 It’s a good thing that Sean Spicer wasn’t in the room. I can see him now, climbing on the podium and screaming to get away from Mischka Mouse (I’m figuring the mouse is Russian, because what in Trumpworld isn’t?) If Huckabee Sanders was there when Comrade Mouse showed up, she would have fired a shotgun at it and thrown it in the pot along with corn pone. The current press secretary will probably marinate it in a lot of booze, even as she herself is marinated, and add it to Roadkill Stew. I can see the recipe now, “Add whiskey until hiccupping — you, not the mouse — and leave in fridge until the electricity gets turned off. Then saute over a low Sterno flame. Serve to all your pals, with a stolen loaf of bread, squatting around a romantic, garbage can fire.” Well, now we know. Trump is running the White House like he runs his hotels. Seriously, though, I think I’ll start up the Benito Mouse-alini fan club. If you didn’t catch my Trump-Ben movie parody, (done shortly after Trump disrespected Elijah Cummings and the entire City of Baltimore) hit this link. Enjoy.

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