The Textbook Definition Of “Illegitimacy”

You know, whenever I look at the latest outrage of El Pendejo Presidente or his administration, my mind immediately goes back to one of my favorite movies, Indiana Jones And The Last Crusade. In that movie, any time Indiana Jones did something daring or stupid that placed them in danger, his father always exclaimed the same three words, This is intolerable! Which are exactly the same three words I bellow every time I see the latest Trump administration outrage. But earlier today, I took a break from my laser focused disgust at the latest outrage of Glorious Bleater, namely that active duty troops under his ultimate command were not worth protecting from having bounties placed on their heads by some halfwit, former KGB cocksucker. Instead, I took a step back, and looked at the devastated landscape of the last four years under Der Gropinfuror, in a more dispassionate way than I have in quite a while, and in doing so, I came to a personally stunning conclusion. The entire last four years of this country’s history has been completely and entirely illegitimate. There is no other way to look at it. Trump failed to win the popular vote, and he couldn’t even fall back on the time honored American tradition of having the fucking supreme Court hand the election to him. Instead, Trump fell back on micro targeted messaging and disinformation war but Vlad the Imp to propel him to the White House. From the moment Trump befouled the Lincoln bible with his hand, his presidency was illegitimate. But don’t get cocky, we’re just getting started. We are also honored to have a completely Illegitimate Senate Majority Leader. And he was that way when he was the Senate Minority Leader as well. Every time I look at Mitch McConnell, I can’t help seeing Gollum, the pathetic creature from the Lord of the Rings trilogy, so obsessed with the power of his precious that he had lost any mortal feelings or soul that he may have had. Sound about right? Remember this. On inauguration night of 2009, it was McConnell who sat in a restaurant room with his closes cronies, and plotted to make Barack Obama a one term President. He clearly violated his oath of office that night by placing his own personal and party interests above those of the country. His chosen method, total obstruction, McConnell reached the zenith of illegitimacy when he spent almost an entire calendar year refusing to even consider a completely legitimate nominee to fill a vacancy on the Supreme Court of the United States. Which means of course, that we now have a totally illegitimate Supreme Court, and on two counts. The minute Judge Neil Gorsuch accepted his nomination to the Supreme Court, he became illegitimate, and by extension, the court itself. There had been plenty of time for the nomination process for Judge Merrick Garland to run its course, except for the obstruction of Bitch Mcconnell, a clear violation of the traditional Senate role of advise and consent. Even worse was the forced ramming through of a clearly unqualified , possibly on criminal ground, of the nomination of “Brewski” Brett Kavanaugh. The refusal to allow a full investigation of the sexual assault allegations against Kavanaugh alone disqualified him from being confirmed. In any other administration, even if the nominee had refused to step down, the President would have pulled his name. But not […]

OK Kiddies, Playtime Is Over

Q: What do you do to an elephant with three balls?   A: Walk him and pitch to the rhino instead I’m sorry, I can’t take this shit anymore. I have found that as I have gotten older I suffer fools less and less gladly, and when it comes to fucking morons, the fuse is about 1″. Almost a month ago to the day, I wrote an article in which I said that the history of the Grand Reopening of America would be a tale of two holidays. Many red states, such as Florida, Georgia, Texas , and Arizona, states that did a half ass job of shutting down in the first place were starting to reopen. Given the gestation of the virus, I said that the first spikes would likely start to appear in the week following Memorial Day, and if it went the way I thought it would, some places would be facing some uncomfortable choices when it came to celebrating the 4th of July. Well, it all came to pass, in spades. States like Texas, Arizona, Georgia, and Florida, who went balls-to-the-wall, are now seeing daily spikes in cases and hospitalizations like a bunch of 17 year old’s who found Dad’s Penthouse collection in the tool shed. And while the Trump friendly GOP Governors continue to spout the Trump pap, they are all starting to get that deer-in-the-headlights look. But there are starting to be cracks appearing in the foundation of bullshit. While insisting on chanting the Trump mantra, Arizona Governor Ducey, a chicken shit to the end, while refusing to sign off on mandatory mask wearing in public, graciously allowed individual Mayors and city councils to generate such orders on their own, with his blessing. And Ducey isn’t the only one. The Governor of Oklahoma was clearly swallowing bitter wormwood when he had to back Trump’s okay with his shit show in Tulsa tomorrow, but managed to squeeze through the handing out of masks, and other temperature check and social distancing restrictions. And other local authorities such as Mayors and city councils are also starting to look to take the bull by the horns, and seek more local autonomy to save their own citizens. But I must have taken a long nap somewhere along the line, because I missed something. When did a country make up of independent hard asses, who created colonies in an inhospitable land, kicked the ass of what at that time was the unbeatable military force in the world, opened up the rest of the country, won two world wars, created the atomic bomb, and put a man on the moon become a country so chock full of insufferable wienies?!? Earlier this week, I could only shake my head in shock and shame as I watched video of a council public meeting in Orange County, on the issue of a city order for mandatory mask wear in public. Some blonde who looked like she took a break from her Rodeo Drive shopping spree to whine in public, ranted on and on about how her body was her temple, and how nobody had the right to force her to breathe back in the same CO2 she had just expelled! I shit you not. She went on and on, about how nobody had the right to force her to cover her shimmering peach lip schmear under a […]

The GOP’s Coronavirus Pea-In-The-Shell-Game

It turns out that there’s actually a sane, valid reason to spend a little time watching FUX news these days. The reason being that as more and more GOP Governors race headlong into the burning building by reopening their states for business as usual per Trump’s mandate, people are going to want them to justify their actions. And if they gotta bullshit the peeps, may as well do it on a network whose stock in trader is bullshit of the highest order. Just minutes ago, FUX host Chris Wallace, the closest thing FUX has to an honest broker had the Governor of Oklahoma, some yahoo named Stitt on his program. He asked Stitt flat out why he was in such a rush to reopen his state for business, Stitt’s reply was enlightening, Chris, I have issued 15 executive orders since March 15th, when I declared a state of emergency, and those orders were signed with a dual purpose, to bend the curve on the virus, and to expand hospital capacity. I highlighted that last line because it caught my attention, since it’s the third time I’ve heard it pass a GOPasaur governors lips in the last three days. Look, I think that we can all agree on a couple of things. First, the sole object of a state governor locking down the state is to enforce by edict social distancing. And the goal of social distancing is simple. If you keep people far enough apart, you stop them from spreading the virus. And in a normal world, with a normal President, as the current load of cases reach their conclusions, this buys you time for effective testing to identify the people who need to be quarantined to further prevent the spread. It’s a simple tool, and used effectively, and with public buy in like here in Nevada it can be effective. But this is not why GOP governors were dragged kicking and screaming into these lockdown orders, which explains the candy ass half measures they instituted, instead of grabbing for the brass ring. The greatest fear that these governors have is that they will end up like New York, and be nightly national news stories about jammed hospitals, and rocketing curves, making them look like the incompetent boobs that they are. And they’re giving away the con in the way that they talk about their efforts, and what they expected from them. Look closely at the first reason that Stitts gave for signing the emergency declaration, Our goal was to bend the curve. Really?!? The last I heard, the object of social distancing wasn’t to bend the curve, it was to flatten the fucker. Create a plateau there the daily cases were no longer increasing exponentially, and with continued effective social distancing, to start the curve on a downward trajectory, as you come to grips with the problem. That’s the GOP’s pea-in-the-shell-game with their coronavirus response. Their goal wasn’t so much to use social distancing as a way to control and then defeat the virus, it was more of a way to buy time. The ultimate goal being to hold the spread of new cases down just enough to keep their existing hospital spaces from being overrun, while speedily creating M*A*S*H style portable hospitals, and other temporary treatment units, so that when they rashly reopened their states in the middle of the crisis, before the Trump goobers stoned them, […]

Why Trump Won’t Use His Emergency War Powers

Dion’t pay attention to what they say. Pay attention to what they do.   Rachel Maddow In the end, that’s what it always comes down too, and when you watch the Hole-in-the-head gang, it always comes down to money. President Bone Spurs has already signed the emergency war powers act, he waved it around so everybody could see that he still remembers how to spell his name, and everything. Oh, and Daddy’s widdle man sounded all ruffy-wuffy licking his nuts in front of the cameras about how he wouldn’t hesitate to use it if American companies fucked with him. Mayors are begging him to drop the hammer, Governors are begging him to drop the hammer, hospitals and doctors and nurses are begging him to drop the hammer, even Nancy freakin’ Pelosi is begging him to drop the hammer and use the emergency war powers act. So why isn’t he? I think I might have figured it out, and I can’t Blame El Pendejo Presidente for this one, because it calls for intelligent thought. I’m more likely to see the snotty little nouveau riche fingerprints of Steve Munchkin Mnuchin all over this one. It started to come together for me a couple of days ago, when I started hearing stories about hospitals and counties complaining that when they went to place orders for supplies, they were advised that they were actually competing in a kind of bidding war against other hospitals and municipalities, and the larger their order was, the higher in the line it would go. This didn’t seem to me to be the most efficient way to surge masks and gowns and gloves to the places where they were needed the most. But the final link in the puzzle fell into place for me yesterday, when Illinois Governor Pritzker complained that when he personally contacted manufacturers of ventilators, to try to expedite orders to his state, he was told that not only was Illinois competing against other states for the ventilators, his order would be competing against other countries! That’s when those two defining words dropped into my tapioca skull. War profiteering, that’s what we’re looking at, plain, pure and simple. If the Trump administration drops the hammer on the emergency war powers act, it is going to force American manufacturers not only to ramp up production, it will also force industries that don’t make masks and gloves and ventilators to make them if they are capable of doing so, cutting into the profits of those who already do. And because this is an American emergency, if the government is ramping up production, then by simple logic the government is the customer. Those items will be made for domestic use, and FEMA or another branch of the government will likely control their distribution. Let’s just use ventilators for our example. As I said above, Pritzker was advised that Illinois wasn’t just bidding against other states, it was bidding against other countries too. Gee, ya think that countries like Italy, Spain, France and Germany might be amenable to something along the lines of a 10-15% surcharge in order to get their ventilators shipped soonest? If the American government sticks their nose into the process, those ventilators will all be produced for domestic use, shipped where FEMA says they get shipped, and likely at a fixed rate. And the same goes for everything else covered […]

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