Dude. Seriously. Just shut the fuck up. On December 28, the fake president released a fake campaign video (un, Donald, you stupid shit? You lost) on his favorite social-media-platform-turned-“presidential”-outhouse, Twitter. You can see it in all its sick glory below: pic.twitter.com/g4NoRxSnQ5 — Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) December 28, 2020 It’s full of the usual self-aggrandizing […]
We have been here before, but this is the type of story that never gets old. It is fun to mock the ridiculousness of it, and Trump won’t seem to let it die anyway. Yes, per the title, Trump once again made reference to the fact that the Nobel committee must be made-up of peace loving, blue state freaks who advocate socialism or something. It appears that we once again must remind Trump that certain rules apply to winning the Nobel Peace Prize. It is like Fight Club. Rule number one: Don’t talk about the peace prize. If you don’t win, see rule number one. Second – and this is more of a technicality, unlike the firm number one rule – one must promote peace, locally, and ideally around the globe. But even men and women that clearly qualify under rule number two, must first follow rule number one. He talked: Holy shit he actually said it. Trump is actually complaining, only days after assassinating Iran's top general and goading them into war, that he wasn't awarded the Nobel Peace Prize.pic.twitter.com/VkB3maYsOb — Brian Tyler Cohen (@briantylercohen) January 10, 2020 Per Vanity Fair: It was difficult to parse through what he might have been referring to, but those versed in original Trump have suggested “the head of the country” that he’s referred to is Ethiopian prime minister Abiy Ahmed. After taking office in April 2018, Abiy introduced major reforms to Ethiopia, freed thousands of activists from jail, let exiled dissidents come home, appointed women to top positions, and allowed the media to operate as it sees fit. He also resolved a border conflict with Eritrea, signing a peace deal with President Isaias Afwerki. Did Trump have anything to do with brokering the peace? Of course not. As the BBC notes, the U.S.’s influence “was minimal.” The head of a nation released political prisoners, invited dissidents to come home, invited women to participate and settled a border war? Hard to believe that the guy won out over a dude that wants to build a wall to keep out the humanitarian refugees he jailed, continually calls the press “the enemy of the people,” and just assassinated a man with a missile which could still incite the globe into World War III. All I can say is that the Ethiopian president must have followed rule number one. Other than that, there is nothing to distinguish the two. It is one thing if you just invented anti-gravity such that you’ve solved the world’s energy issues and made flying cars possible. You might have a complaint if you didn’t win the prize for physics, and perhaps you could mention the oversight while speaking to the U.N. about how the planet is to be revolutionized. But the peace prize is a whole different thing. I haven’t yet complained about not winning the prize for literature, which is a much bigger omission than Trump’s case. If anyone has a legitimate complaint, it’s me. It is especially so because I know well enough to never discuss that I deserve the literature prize, never mind walking around talking about the blatant bias against red-state Democrats who blog and write obscure novels. It is not hard. Really. Not Trump. It is soooo delicious, though, knowing that until Obama won, Trump would […]
Ah yes, our wanna-be Nobel-laureate is talking again about the huge injustice of it all. Had the process not been so thoroughly aligned with spreading world peace, being brilliant, bringing people together through good works, in other words; had it not all been “rigged,” the Peace prize would be his, according to only Trump. Ironically, it takes someone as self-absorbed and half-witted as him to fail to understand that one cannot lobby for the peace prize. Come on, man, it is like Fight Club. Rule number one, if you want a Nobel, don’t go around talking to people about wanting a Nobel. I know I don’t. And believe me, my novels and my work here put me infinitely closer to the literature prize than him and the … never mind. Trump continues to talk. After all, the black president got one, and made it look easy, actually: Trump then offered up former President Barack Obama as an example of the prize being unfairly awarded. “They gave one to Obama immediately upon his ascent to the presidency and he had no idea why he got it,” Trump said, joking: “You know what? That was the only thing I agreed with him on.” And you know what? For the first and only time, I agree with Trump. The Nobel Committee should have waited two more years, then awarded the Peace Prize to Obama, it would have been more meaningful. As it was, they simply gave it to Obama because the committee was glad Cheney was gone, and Obama was cool. Trump will never get the Nobel Peace Prize, and he seems to know that: Speaking to reporters before a bilateral meeting with Pakistani Prime Minister Imran Khan, Trump asserted that “I would get a Nobel prize for a lot of things, if they give it out fairly, which they don’t.” Asked during a Cabinet meeting at the time whether he thought he deserved the honor, Trump told reporters: “Everyone thinks so, but I would never say it.” Trump doesn’t seem to understand rule number two regarding the Peace Prize, winners must seem to be above the money. Trump might be the only “candidate” ever who values the cold cash even more than the prestige of the award. Someone once told him that the award came with a million dollar check, and in that moment, Trump knew he needed one. All good things come in threes, so we can’t offer up Rule No.s one and two without mentioning the third rule: Winners must make peace, not lob missiles down upon Iran to protect innocent oil refineries pumping black money into family accounts, keeping Saudi and Russian masters happy. Granted, Trump has not yet violated rule number three, and it may seem like a technicality to Trump, but given Trump’s violations of one and two, number three looks to be violated soon enough. God, what if … what if the Nobel hope is the one thing that has kept Trump from starting war in the Middle East? Don’t laugh, it almost makes sense. Among all the other asinine things this man has done, this is chuckle-worthy to the extreme. He believes he’s owed a Nobel prize because “reasons,” Obama and “everyone says so.” Compelling, except to the people giving out Nobels. Rule number four, don’t try to […]
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