The President And The Pandemic. 150 Days That Changed An Election.

If I only knew then what I know now I have been wanting to do this for a while. I’ve been living in the tenement slum of Trump’s head for 5 1/2 years now, and sadly, I’ve paid penthouse rent. But if you’re going to write about somebody for 5+ years, you have to actually […]

You Just Keep Piling It On, Genius.

The morning after blues, from my head down to my shoes. Carefree highway, let me slip away, slip away on you   Gordon Lightfoot   Carefree Highway Look, we’re all a little bit narcissistic, we like looking in the mirror when we think we’re rocking it, we like when people pay attention to what we say, or enter a […]

The War Between The States

Here’s a sentence you’ve never heard before, Hand me that piano.   George Carlin OK kiddies, make sure that the safety bait is snug across your waist, and make sure you keep your arms and legs inside the car at all times. Because ready or not, the train is leaving the station, it’s gonna be a helluva ride, and nobody knows when was the last time this thing had a safety check. We are about to enter a brand new phase of the coronavirus pandemic, and unlike most of them, I honestly believe that this one will be possible to time on the calendar. This stage, which may well set the national mood for the rest of the year, and bring about incredible internal strife will be measured between two national holidays, Memorial Day and the 4th of July. Right now you have 50 different states, all in various stages of reopening their states and economies, all at varying speeds, and all following widely divergent rules and schedules to control the reopening. This is because Emperor Gluteus Maximus has no time for shit like this, since he’s busy screaming at his press secretary about that photo of him wearing a mask leaking out. Basically the way it goes is, you have one bunch of Governors, mostly in deep red states, who are basically throwing open every window in the house, like it was the first 70 degree day of spring, but ignoring the fact that it’s raining like hell and windy outside, and all the furniture is getting soaked. And then you have a bunch of states, mostly blue, with Governors who are running down the street next to the bike, and they’re not gonna let go of the goddamn seat and handlebars until they’re sure that the kid isn’t going to take a spill and crack his skull. The problem with all of this disparity is that these stay-at-home-orders and shelter-in-place rules were a one off. They were issued in a time of sudden, imminent crisis, and responded to for the same reasons. But now, the moronic proclamations of El Pendejo Presidente notwithstanding, by taking those first steps to reopen, whether baby steps or a full gallop, the governors themselves are tacitly implying that the crisis period has passed. And with that understanding, regardless of what happens, you are never going to get everybody locked down for weeks or months again. Here’s where my calendar calculation comes in. Remember the simple math of the spread of this pandemic. From the date of infection, there is an 8-14 day gestation period before the first symptoms become apparent. After that, there is another 6-12 day lag in general before the symptoms deteriorate to the point where the patient goes to the hospital to be tested. If a person is infected over the Memorial Day weekend, this means that there is a 14-26 day lag before that infection will show up in hospitals, and on graphs and charts. And by my crude reckoning, that’s the second to third week in June. So, by the time we get to Independence Day, we’re going to have a pretty good idea of just how successful this crazed early reopening in states like Texas, Georgia, and Florida, where governors threw open the doors on days when the states reported their worst single day infection rate […]

Two Different States. One Common Denominator. Two Different Paths.

I guess it’s probably best to get bad news early in the day, that way it goes to shit right off of the bat, with no illusions that it was worth getting out of bed that morning. Nevada Governor Steve Sisolak just announced that the stay-at-home order for the citizens of Nevada has been extended until May 15th. I guess that while our numbers are actually pretty good compared to a lot of other places, they’re not quite where the state wants them before beginning to turn people loose again. No question about it, Nevada is getting hammered fiscally by the coronavirus pandemic. Carson City is the state capitol, and that’s about what it’s worth. You have Reno in the north, Las Vegas in the south, and in the middle you have the totally worthless Bundy family poaching on federal land. Nevada exists for two simple purposes, gambling and prostitution. If it weren’t for blackjack and brothels, Nevada would be nothing but a gas stop on the way from the southeast to California. If you go all the way cross country to the east coast, and hang a right, you come to Florida. If you break it down to its base, Florida really isn’t that much different from Nevada, it depends largely on tourism. But the major features of Florida are beaches to the south, and an over sized rodent in the middle of the state. The only other notable thing about Florida is that half of the population spends its falls cheering a college football team named after the very same thing that blows the roofs off of their homes every damn summer. Go figure, huh? Both states are largely dependent on tourism for their daily bread, but the way that the state’s duly elected governors are dealing not only with the fallout of the coronavirus, but the imaging and messaging problems it brings couldn’t be more stark. Vegas has become kind of an “in” destination for the media lately. Because of its legendary persona, reporters are lining up to give reports from an empty Strip, with no traffic and shuttered opulent hotel-casinos in the background. Which means that Democratic Governor Sisolak is also getting increased national face time as he discusses the financial chasm that the lost gambling revenue has brought to the state. Sisolak has been pretty much pitch perfect in his public utterances. He leads with two basic talking points, boundless optimism, and public safety. He tends to sound something like this, Nevada will come back, and so will Las Vegas. Both are a great places to go, enjoy great meals and shows, have fun at the tables. But none of that will happen unless people feel safe. We could open the doors to the casinos tomorrow, but nobody will come if they don’t feel safe. And one of the things in making them feel safe is ensuring that our own citizens, the people they’ll come into contact with during their stay, are safe and healthy too. So, we’re going to do this slow, and we’re going to do it right the first time, so that when we do reopen, people will know it’s safe for them to come and enjoy themselves again. This is a marked improvement over the dingbat Mayor of Las Vegas, who wants to […]

FL Governor DeSantis Declares The WWE An “Essential” Business Because? Vince McMahon Is Greedy.

It’s getting harder and harder to tell the difference between Florida GOP Governor Ron Desantis and a street corner pimp. This is the Governor who slow walked a stay-at-home order so as to not fuck up spring break for either students nor the Florifa merchants, and when he did, declared Easter religious services an exemption to the ban on mass gatherings. Well, now DeSantis has gone even one better. In a stunning move of craven cowardice, DeSantis today declared that the World Wrestling Entertainment is an essential business, opening the way for a series of live WWE events that will place the health of not only the wrestlers, but also the fans at significant risk. But it’s the reason that is an affront to humanity. Apparently, uber douche Vince McMahon just can’t manage to make ends meet without Linda’s paltry salary as the Small Business Administrator in the Trump administration, and he can’t survive the coronavirus pandemic without putting on his shoddy product. And if Vince McMahon needs more Perrier for his hot tub, then goddammit! Vince McMahon is going to get more Perrier for his hot tub, and the consequences be damned. Believe it or not, there are several other professional wrestling organizations out there, and they’re dealing with the ban on public gatherings. Basically, the way that they’re dealing with it is that they held a mass crush of wrestling cards before the public gathering bans took effect, taped them, and are showing those tapes in their current weekly time slots to tide their fans over. But this won’t work for McMahon. It won’t work because he recently singed an incredibly lucrative weekly contract with FOX, worth hundreds of billions of dollars. The problem is that the contract calls for a specified number of live broadcasts, and McMahon is running up against the wall. And this won’t do at all for a go-getter like McMahon. So, what do you do if you’re an uber rich shitpoke who is on Trump’s commission to decide when it is safe for Americans to go outside and start contracting the coronavirus again? You call Trump’s favored two legged Fleet enema, and have him cut you a deal so you can schedule the live shows you need to keep that lucrative contract with FOX alive and ticking. It’s not like Vince McMahon is a captain of industry or anything. McMahon runs an abusive workplace towards the wrestlers, some of whom spend as many as 300 days a year on the road, loads up their contracts with all kinds of poison pills that make the wrestlers pretty much chattel to McMahon for the privilege of earning their living, and because McMahon considers his wrestlers as independent contractors, he doesn’t have to offer them health insurance in an industry that makes it practically impossible for them to obtain the insurance on their own. It was not that long ago that a really serious fan went out and crowd funded on GoFundMe so that wrestler Jake “The Snake” Roberts could get an operation he desperately needed. Roberts put out a video thanking the fan, as well as all who donated, with tears in his eyes. This is the kind of human Port-O-San who’s playing coronavirus roulette with the lives and safety of his wrestlers, as well as the fans he’s bilking by putting them at risk. And Ron DeSantis […]

Mark This Date On Your Calendar

March 12, 2020. Not necessarily a day that will live in infamy as FDR once put it, but one you need to keep in the back of your mind when you look at polling in head to head match ups between Sanders or Biden and His Lowness for the next couple of weeks. Yesterday, Brutus Cheesecake laid another golden turd in the Oval Office. He gave what was originally purported as a serious speech on the coronavirus pandemic, and the governments response to it. Instead we got another rambling, incoherent drivel fest that was so replete with not only mis-statements, but flat out lies that the New York Times actually despaired over whether or not to cover it as news. Well, today the last two men standing in the Democratic primaries took a whack at it. In separate addresses to the nation, they each laid out their response to the coronavirus, and what each would do if president. Both men were calm, measured, dignified and both had more IQ points in their tie pins than Trumplethinskin has in his empty head. Both men attacked the problem directly, and both gave out more useful, substantive information in 10 minutes each than the Trump administration has since day one. The reason I tell you to stick a pin in this date for the next couple of weeks is this. In the last head-to-head poll that I saw a couple of days ago, Biden topped Trump by 8 points, and Sanders by 5. But there is normally a 5-7 day lag from a current event, and it’s first measured effect on national polling. And March 12, 2020 was a current event, and then some. Both the Biden as well as the Sanders campaigns obviously had their shit together. They saw an unprepared, corrupt, vindictive, incompetent president give an awful speech from the Oval Office, and they immediately crafted calm, measured, substantive speeches, and or their candidates out there in front of cameras to deliver them. These were not political speeches, and they weren’t campaign speeches, instead, they were contrast speeches. Today was a watershed moment in the history of the 2020 election cycle. Up until now, almost every Democratic candidate has taken swipes at The $1 Store Caligula, but they were swipes almost in passing before they turned back on each other. But today, for the first time in more than three years, the voting public got to see the vain, strutting, empty headed popinjay they call a president give a rambling, incoherent speech, and with 18 hours they were they were able to see a stark, and almost shocking contrast when two other men showed that leadership, and presidential composure looked like. And I’m betting it was a shock to the system for a lot of people. Up until now, the American public have only seen the Democratic candidates going up against each other. Today they saw the two survivors go up against Trump. So, for the next 4-5 days, take any national head-to-head polling with a grain of salt. Most of them were most likely either partially or completely taken before Trump’s Oval Office address, and the Sanders and Biden responses. But starting a week or so from today, pay close attention. I’m betting that you’ll see the lead for each man widen […]

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