OnlyAtOasis / Flickr OasisPhilly StormyDaniels0011...
OnlyAtOasis / Flickr

Dear Stormy Daniels,

You are my hero.
Who else but you could have dreamed that one day you would be the catalyst to take down a “a cud-brained moron incapable of understanding anything more complex than a bendy straw and who couldn’t find his own dick with a map” (Showercap summarized it so nicely, I had to put it in quotes…).
Anyway, who else but you could: a) have sex with SHARTUS, that shrivelled old, tiny handed, shit-faced idiot and then; b) go on 60 Minutes and discuss the disgusting details (You swatting his tight-whitey clad ass with a magazine!) in detail, without vomiting?

I feel barfy just thinking about it.

Not every girl dreams of being like you, doing what you do. I’ve never personally hoped to be a porn-star/actress, but, who knows, maybe you never did either?   Maybe, given your…ah, gifts…it was just a natural place for you to end up? But you’re more than a porn-star/actress, Stormy. You used to dream of becoming a journalist. You love horses.  There must be more, but I don’t really know you…

You have certainly done a lot of work in the porn industry, and (relation to this next thought optional) once ran as a Republican candidate. Of course, that was only after the Republican National Committee(RNC) paid expenses for fundraisers at a “lesbian bondage themed nightclub” in Los Angeles. You felt at that time that your values of “both money and sex and the legal use of one for the other (was) best espoused by the Republican Party.”  I see it BTW, but I’m not saying a thing…Trying to keep it reigned in…

So, you went to the dark side for a while…Everybody makes mistakes.

AND hey, I’m NOT judging at all! Because you, Stephanie Clifford, a.k.a. Stormy Daniels are my…nay…an AMERICAN hero. You’re clearly a woman who knows how to conduct business.  You lawyered up and now you’re telling your side.

And the best part is that you have proof.  That little piece of paper that reveals the truth behind what the Liar-in-Chief, Il Douche, has done.

My grandmother used to say that you should save receipts because “well, you never know”. You’re a businesswoman who has saved your receipts and well, you saved the most important receipt imaginable.

And for that, Stormy Daniels, you are my hero.  Since, for saving that piece of paper, it’s not a matter of “you never know”, it’s a matter of we will ALL know…And soon.

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