What a week for news, huh? As Robin Williams used to say, “Reality. What a concept.” But you should all know me by now, being both a cynic and a humorist, I seldom just “watch” the news for what it is. Goofy little shit within the news just keeps popping out at me, and of course what good is it if I’m the only one who knows it. So, here’s some things you might have missed from recent events.
Batting first in this all star lineup, the aforementioned Steve Bannon. Steve Bannon is not some common, ordinary, run-of-the-mill, everyday kind of moron. He’s a world class, Olympic gold medal winning kind of moron. Just a day or two ago he said in another rambling, disjointed public word fart that “The Bezos-Amazon Washington Post that dropped a dime on President Trump is the same Bezos-Amazon Washington Post that just dropped a dime on Judge Roy Moore.” OK, I’m 60 years old, and maybe words and phrases warp and change meanings over the years. But I also grew up in a cop family, my grandfather and two uncles were Chicago cops. And the phrase “drop a dime” has a very specific meaning to cops. When a cop says that someone “dropped a dime” it used to mean that someone literally dropped a dime into a pay phone to call the police and rat on someone for committing a crime. You don’t inform on an innocent person, it’s too weasy to disprove, and you sure don’t drop a dime falsely on a criminal, it could be dangerous. When Steve Bannon used the phrase “dropped a dime”, he subconsciously admitted that he believed the accusations to be true. Idiot.
Batting second in the lineup is Roy Moore, for a couple of reasons. First, his denial. I believe it was former US Attorney for Alabama Joyce Vance on MSNBC last night who pointed out that Moore was playing a dangerous game by denying he ever met the 14 year old accuser. Normally that’s a standard cop out, turn it into a “he said, she said” scenario. But there’s a problem with Moore, this is a “he said, she said, and she said, and shes said, and she said” scenario. And Moore already admitted in his disastrous phone interview with Sean Hannity that he knew at least one of the older accusers, and may have dated all of them. His problem is that the five women didn’t know each other, they had never met. The WaPo article is rich in detail, it is obvious that the child in question was severely traumatized, and remembers the events clearly. And nearly all if not all of the accusers state that Moore took them to his house in the woods. There is little doubt that if she feels she’s being doubted, this woman can provide details of the house, furniture, pictures, basic layout, wall colors, things that no one who had never been there could provide, and the other women can back her up. A “he said, she said” defense falls apart if “she said” has corroborating evidence. Moore had better just STFU.
It turns out that Moore is a cocky little asshole on other things too. I couldn’t find a way to directly embed the video here, so click on this LINK to go to the ABCNews page. It’s the now famous video of Moore pulling a little purse gun at a rally like he’s Rambo or something. Forget the gun, watch what happens afterwards, and concentrate on his hand. He is holding a microphone in his left hand, and apparently has an itch on his cheek by his nose, which he scratches. But which finger does he use? I tried this myself, holding a broomstick, and my automatic reflex action was to use my first finger to scratch my cheek. Moore keeps his first finger firmly wrapped around the mic, and instead theatrically uses his middle digit theatrically to scratch his cheek, an obvious signal to the crowd of his opinion of the people he was talking about. And he let another unintentional penny drop too. In that video he’s talking about advertising calling him soft on the second amendment, ads he couldn’t combat “because we didn’t have the money.” This is important because yesterday the RNSC announced that it was severing ties with the Moore campaign, cutting him off from monetary help. No wonder the toddler coddler sent out a blast trying to fundraise off of being a pervert.
Third up to the plate is our own adorable Genital Grabber in Chief, who obviously learned well from his moron Sith Lord, Bannon. He had a quick “I know Vlad, I’m trying, but the press is really on my ass” meeting with Putin in Vietnam, and came away saying that he tends to Believe Vlad the Imp when he says he didn’t interfere with our election. So, he doesn’t think that diplomacy keeps us safer. And he doesn’t believe that nuclear war might be a bad way to solve a school yard pissing contest. He doesn’t think the EPA protects our air and water when they bother campaign donors with pesky regulations. And he doesn’t believe hundreds of scientists that spent more years in college than he spent in any of his first three marriages that humans cause global warming. But he does believe that a murderous ex KGB thug didn’t help put him into the White House. Thanks God Bob Mueller isn’t as stupid as Trump is.
And finally, batting cleanup in the order is Steve Schmidt. Personally, I’ve always enjoyed watching Steve Schmidt as a commentator. Yes, he’s a solid, principled conservative, but he doesn’t mind criticizing his own party when they do something stupid, and the worse it is, the more passionate he is in calling them out. And last night, he did both himself, and the spirit of the party he believes in proud. On at least 3 different occasions in the same interview last night, while discussing the disgusting Roy Moore story, he referred to the then 14 year old accuser as “a little girl.” He pounded that point home, and he was clearly pissed off. I was so glad to hear that, after so many Moore enablers have taken to referring to the victim as a “young lady.” You want to excuse Roy Moore for being a filthy pervert, that’s fine, it’s your right, and your soul. But get it through your thick, peckerwood redneck heads, she wasn’t a “young lady”, she was a fucking child! This issue is personal to me for reasons I will not go into, but it warmed my heart to see Steve Schmidt come right out and say something so plainly, something that should have been so obvious to anyone with two firing neurons. And I can only hope that some of the craven, cowardly, spineless, morally bereft GOP Senators in his party’s caucus are listening.
So, there you have it. It just goes to show, that for someone like me, even the news has some more news in it if you know where to look. Enjoy your weekend my beloved Kossacks, and GO Fighting Irish!
This is a Creative Commons article. The original version of this article appeared here.