colberconn / Flickr stephen colbert ew outtake...
colberconn / Flickr

The Late Show with Stephen Colbert took on the news that Donald Trump had fired Attorney General Jeff Sessions on Wednesday. After covering that Sessions’ resignation letter implied that he was fired, Colbert reminded the audience that this was not a big surprise, considering the two men’s history together.

Trump has made no secret of his feelings about Sessions. He’s called Sessions a “‘traitor,” “a dumb Southerner,” “Mr. Magoo,” and perhaps most humiliating of all, “member of my administration.”

But Colbert never lets Jeff Sessions off the hook for being the horrendous person Jeff Sessions is.

No word what Jeff Sessions is going to do next. I assume he’s going to spend more time with his family separation policy.

Colbert then gave his audience a real tasty treat by bringing out the recently fired Sessions to say his goodbyes.

Former Attorney General Jeff Sessions

Keebler Cookie Sessions: Thank you, Stephen, for this opportunity to be welcomed anywhere. It is with a heavy heart and a cream filling that I bid you all a fond adieu and one final “I do not recall.” I humbly request my severance pay in sweet tea and Confederate dollars. And while my service was cut short in an untimely manner, well, that’s just the way my cookie crumbles.

Please feed me to seagulls on the banks of Mobile Bay! Goodbye forever.


Colbert crushes the Keebler Sessions up in his hand and eats some of the crumbs. The second half of the monologue gets into Mueller and Donald Trump, Jr., and Matt Whitaker, Sessions’ interim replacement.


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