Daily Brian / Flickr FBI raids offices of Donald Trump...
Daily Brian / Flickr

Hee-hee-hee. Not even an hour into being outed as one of three people on the planet lacking the sense to get out of the way of a speeding bus, and already Sean Hannity is losing his shit.

MSNBC just played a clip of Sean Hannity on his radio program, responding the the sudden mushroom cloud over his head due to his association with one august Michael Cohen. Hannity sounds unhinged in the best of circumstances, but if what he just said on the radio is anything representative, they may want to consider restraining him so that he doesn’t hurt himself, or anybody else.

Hannity started out trying to be sarcastic about the mainstream media making a mountain out of this Kilimanjaro. Hannity did not deny using Cohen’s legal services. Kinda. Sort of. Hannity admitted that he had occasionally spoken to Cohen on “legal issues.” But then he went off of the rails, you could almost “see” him pounding his fist on the table as he emphatically stated that he had never paid Cohen, had never received an invoice from Cohen, and had never consulted Cohen regarding any matter involving a “third party.”

OK, my Black Irish brain is confused here. The Manatee’s name only came out for one reason, the legal Maxwell Smart that is Michael Cohen named Hannity as a “client.” Yet Hannity insisted just moments ago that he had never received a bill from Cohen, nor had he ever paid Cohen for his services. Doesn’t the word “client” normally connote someone who is paying for services from someone else? Somebody here has to be lying. Either Cohen is full of shit, and Sean Hannity is not a client, or Sean Hannity is full of shit, and just doesn’t want to admit that he paid a legal lamprey like Cohen for as much as shining his shoes. The only alternative is that Cohen took Hannity on as a “charity case,” cuz like, rich white assholes need a break once in a while too.

The funny thing is, it’s perfectly obvious as to why Sean Hannity is doing this circus contortionist act to try to distance himself from Michael Cohen. After all, it’s not illegal to have a lawyer, I’ve had several myself at one time or another. But the problem is, what kind of a lawyer is he? Michael Cohen is not a corporate lawyer. He’s not a criminal defense lawyer. He’s not a real estate, personal injury, or estate planning lawyer either. So, what kind of law does he practice (and God, he needs all the practice he can get), and what legal expertise does he offer?

Well, if you listen to “Mikey the Mook” himself, he’s a self identified “fixer.” Yep, Michael Cohen is the Barney the Dinosaur version of Ray Donovan. But what kinds of problems? Cohen’s one consistent cash cow, Donald Trump used somebody else for his pre-nups. He used somebody else for his real estate deals. He used somebody else to defend him in the Trump U case, he has other lawyers for the Mueller investigation, as well as all of his other litigation, since there is no history of Cohen ever filing a motion on Trump’s behalf. So, what kind of legal assistance could Cohen have been providing to Hannity, whether paid or unpaid?

How did we become so intimately wise to the legal skills of Michael Cohen in the first place? He flubbed a matter so simple it should be taught in second year law school, a binding non disclosure agreement. What was one of the major bones of contention? Donald Trump never signed the agreement. Which was the real problem, if Trump had wanted to sign the agreement, he wouldn’t have had Cohen call him “David Dennison” in the NDA. I can call myself Bernie Madoff, but unless I change it in court, I’m still going to have to sign the securities fraud booking forms Joseph Murphy. Then we come to find that Cohen facilitated, apparently more quietly this time, a $1.6 million settlement for Elliott Broidy for getting an ex Playboy bunny in a family way. That’s pretty much it, Cohen’s entire public ouvre of excellence in the legal arena.

Little wonder that a married man like Sean Hannity, somebody with enough zeroes in his bank balance to choke Barry Manilow’s accountant, doesn’t want the dear wifey to hear that he has been “consulting” with the likes of Michael Cohen. For all we know, Michael
Cohen could be overseeing dozens of Trump ordered shell companies, laundering millions of rubles, but the only two words the world associates with the name Michael Cohen is Stormy Daniels. And now you can add the name Sean Hannity to that stellar roster.

We’ve known all along that El Presidente Pendejo has the reverse Midas touch, everything he touches turns to shit. Now it turns out that he has rather long coattails, because everythning Michael Cohen touches is starting to smell like a barn too…Mikey shoulda worn surgical gloves when he shook hands with Trump. This just keeps getting better and better.

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