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I have yet to meet a person who doesn’t love the Allstate commercial where “Mayhem” opens a Port-o-San door at a college football game and says to the next guy in line, :I dropped my phone…Can you help me out?” Everybody loves the commercial because it’s so blatantly stupid. I mean, who in their right mind is going to stick an arm down the hole of a portable shitter fishing around for a cell phone, right? Most certainly not Mayhem, that;s why he’s asking the other guy.
I know I’m a crusty old fart, but I’m old enough to remember when stupid was bad. Show me a parent who hasn’t wailed at their chastened child, “How could you do something so stupid?!?” It’s like a rite of passage in being a kid. And how many wives have screamed, “How stupid can you be?!? You expect me to believe that your secretary got so close she smeared lipstick on your collar brushing dandruff off of your shoulder?!?”
See, the powerful thing about stupid was that it carried a heavy price tag of ostracism with it. Everybody, whether child or adult, could be “silly,” or “nonsensical,” or even “kind of dumb, don’t you think?” All of those fell into the category of generally accepted behavior. But you really had to elevate your game to the next level to be flat out “stupid,” and that accomplishment came with that heavy load to carry around with it. Basically, you’re stupid.
So, my question is, since when did stupid become chic in this country? And no, I’m not talking about El Pendejo Presidente here. There is no longer any real debate as to whether or not Trump is stupid, that’s already settled science, which is why Trump and the Republicans don’t believe it. All you have to know to understand how bone fucking stupid our President is is what he told us from his own lips in an interview recently. Trump admitted to the reporter that he’s so stupid that he can’t even make money off of being President! And yeah, I know, you’re not supposed to be able to turn a profit off of being President, there’s a rule and everything. But it turns out that the rule is just sophomoric bullshit, kind of like doing things by the “honor system.” I mean, some on, he has nukes and everything! How can he not tell the head honcho of Morocco, “Nice little country you have here, be a shame if anything happened to it.” Combine that with the fact that he actually bankrupted three casinos, which should be mathematically impossible as long as you “balance” your sports book, and you have a level of stupid that has its own wing in the Stupid Hall of Fame.
No, I’m talking about regular, everyday, normal Americans here, you know, the slobs who won’t get out of your way until after the subway doors close. Right now there is anywhere from 32-37% of the American population that is willfully, blindly, almost spitefully stupid. And they don’t even have the common courtesy and good grace to be embarrassed about it. Even a 4 y.o. has the sense to be sheepish when they’re caught being that knuckle headed.
Now granted, there are only a small number of Trump supporters that are such EEG flatliners that they actually totally buy his bullshit. The rest of them can’t possibly be that stupid. Becase even a 6 year old realizes, whether in the bathtub, or being read a bedtime story at night, or riding in the car, that mom and dad are full of shit, there really is no Santa Claus! If you can tie your own shoes, or use your own Tommie-Tippee without spilling, it is impossible to believe Trump saying that great sections of the wall are already being built using “cash on hand,” when he just shut the government down for 35 days to get money to build the wall that he can’t build because he has no money to pay for it. And yet these social misanthropes will stand there and tell you, with an almost sarcastic smirk, of the myriad of great things that Trump is accomplishing, without actually naming any of them, and sneeringly turn your own assertions of Trump’s blatant stupidity around on you by asking, “If Trump is so stupid, how come he’s the President, and a genius like you isn’t? Huh, huh, huh?” These people are not literally stupid, but they’re taking almost pernicious glee in acting like they’re stupid. I dunno, maybe they don’t get enough attention at home or something.
The good news is that these faux morons are in a statistical minority. The bad news is that there are enough of them around to make it extremely difficult, if not impossible, to get anything done while they’re sitting around treating real politics like it was an episode of Barney and Friends. Because, as long as there are enough people out there that are willing to say, “It’s OK to be stupid, because I’m going to pretend that I’m stupid enough to think that your being that stupid is cool, so keep being stupid,” we’re in trouble. Because there will always be a moron out there more than willing to spout baby talk at them if he thinks he can get away with it. What was it that WC Fields once said? Oh yeah, “Never give a
fucker sucker an even break.”
Follow me on Twitter at @RealMurfster35