Rudy “Truth isn’t Truth” Giuliani still won’t provide that 35-page rebuttal to the Mueller report

MSNBC / YouTube Rudy Giuliani President Donald Trump RePaid...
MSNBC / YouTube

“So Rudy “Huckabee” Giuliani would say it’s ok to grab a bag of money from a bank robber as the robber flees the bank with the stolen money. Rudy argues it’s ok to keep that stolen money. As a former career prosecutor I’m gonna go out on a limb and say, “I don’t think that’s OK.””

Molly Jong-fast speculates on Rudy’s magnum opus that will refute the Mueller report.

At 2.54am on Tuesday, Rudy Giuliani texted Politico’s Darren Samuelsohn that the president’s “counter report” will come out at the same time as the redacted Mueller report and that it will be 34 or 35 pages. Originally, Rudy G had promised to deliver 140 pages of delicious, bodice-ripping, lib-owning content, but as this writer can tell you, there are only so many gifs, emojis and Venn diagrams you can put in a piece of writing before you start to look like you’re just trying to fill the pages.

Speculation is wild about what will be in the Rudy Rebuttal but luckily for me, Julian Assange sent me an early copy on the condition that I publish it immediately (because that’s what you do when you’re totally not a cut-out of the Russian government at all.)

Before I begin my deeply thoughtful and important summation, let me just tell you that Rudy’s report is part-polemic, part-autobiography and part-farmers’ almanac. To say every farmhouse, small bordello and underground parking garage should have a copy of the Rudy Rebuttal seems like a grave understatement.

Part one of the Rudy Rebuttal is the origin story of how the Rudy Rebuttal came to pass in the first place. Confusingly, part one also includes copies of Rudy’s first three pre-nuptials. There is some truly breathtaking prose in part one and if you don’t have a pet pig, the cut-out on page seven is basically chicken soup for the conservative soul.…

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