If our nation survives the next few years, it may be due in large part to Rudy Giuliani being completely incapable of shutting his own mouth. So if CNN’s reporting is correct, and Giuliani really is planning to launch a “podcast” in which he gives an “impeachment analysis of the public hearings” as each happens in the House? Bring. It. On.
In the conversation, Giuliani said he hoped to have four or five episodes “to analyze the impeachment in every aspect.” Giuliani’s intention seems to be to have four episodes finished before the start of the Senate trial.
Doooo iiiiiit. Do it do it do it. Go for it, you doorknob-licking crackpot.
The idea of Republicans getting their talking points directly and publicly from Rudy Giuliani, a man identified by numerous witnesses as being absolutely obsessed with proving ultra-fringe conspiracy theories about how Democrats hacked their own servers and framed Russia and that the Biden family is secretly doing something something something in Ukraine, a man who nigh-on everyone has pinpointed as being extremely likely to be arrested, given the number of his close associates who have been swept up in airport arrests: Now, that’s gold.
As Ambassador to Ukraine Marie Yovanovitch testifies on Rudy’s efforts to get her removed so as to better facilitate crimes by his Ukrainian clients, Rudy can pipe up with, “But what the ambassador isn’t telling the committee is that I have SECRET EVIDENCE that she is in fact a vampire, not just any vampire but a special Bluetooth-enabled MEGA-vampire, so doesn’t everyone on that committee look dumb NOW” and approximately three minutes later Republican Rep. Jim Jordan will trot out into the hallway, jacket-less, screaming BLUETOOTH at any camera pointed in his direction.
Giuliani is also, according to CNN, planning two newspaper op-eds defending Trump. If current trends hold, he’ll confess to a new crime in each of them.
It is a shame that Giuliani is going this route, really, because as everybody knows Rudy Giuliani is this nation’s very topmost “cyber” expert. He is all about the cybers, and the hackings, and how to prevent hackers from internetting your cyberbusiness, and had a very lucrative career saying all these words to people willing to pay him an approximate fortune to hear them. That somehow fell by the wayside as Giuliani decided that actually, he was now the world’s foremost expert on who should get to carve up the Ukrainian energy industry, because reasons.
But Giuliani really ought to go back to those roots. Rather than a recorded show that’s just Rudy insulting and inventing conspiracy theories about every administration witness to Trump’s extortion plot, why not do a show about the Cybers? The public could call in with their cyber problems, and Rudy would tell them how to fix their cybers, and they would gush and say oh thank you, thank you for fixing my cybers my son Barron usually does this for me but he had a school play this week and the rehearsals have really been cutting into his free time.
Eh. Something tells me Rudy will be back to his old cyber-consulting business sooner or later. I hear they have the internet in jail now, so online consulting might be a more accessible career path than wandering around Eastern Europe looking for invisible crime servers.