I’m embarrassed to admit that for a rare, fleeting moment on Wednesday, I actually thought the House managers’ presentation was compelling enough to make Mitch McConnell’s heart grow three sizes, and I imagined he’d ride his sleigh into the town square and deliver justice to all the Whos down in Whoville.

Then I remembered that we live in America, not some lush Seussian phantasmagoria, and Mitch McConnell is not the Grinch. He’s more like the Cat in the Hat, if the cat’s hat were expertly crafted from rich Corinthian leather and Satan’s supple scrotum.

Why oh why did I presume that a guy who lied about his election loss for months, winked at mayhem and violence for years, invited his orc horde to Washington to protest the counting of electoral votes, sat on his hands while his mob assailed the Capitol, and angrily tweeted at Mike Pence even after he learned the former vice president’s life was in danger might actually face consequences?

Donald Trump was forced to give up the presidency, of course, but his GOP gonad collection remains fully intact.

The Chicago Tribune’s Rex Huppke summed up my feelings on this trial pretty succinctly.

x

“I’m exhausted by many things, but none more so than seeing Democratic lawyers make smart, sound, passionate arguments and then seeing GOP lawyers effectively fart in a bag and leave the room while GOP lawmakers say, ‘Well, that’s good enough for me. The Democrats have no case.’”

In the real world, when you have a defendant who’s obviously guilty and a defense team that concedes the strength of the prosecutors’ case while presenting the jurisprudential equivalent of a sack of wet, hairy gum, you get a conviction. But no outrage is outrageous enough for the modern GOP, apparently.

So what exactly do Republicans stand for these days, other than funneling money into wealthy people’s offshore bank accounts and dry-humping American flags into sad, humiliated ribbons?

The actual president of the United States ginned up a mob with lies, lurid imagery, and an oil tanker full of malicious intent, and Senate Republicans’ prevailing reaction is ¯_(ツ)_/¯.

Hundreds of riled-up Trump supporters breached the Capitol.

¯_(ツ)_/¯

One of them was shot and killed.

¯_(ツ)_/¯

A Capitol Police officer was murdered.

¯_(ツ)_/¯

The speaker of the House was nearly assassinated.

¯_(ツ)_/¯

The vice president was nearly hanged in public.

¯_(ツ)_/¯

The actual president of the United States watched it all unfold and was “delighted.”

¯_(ツ)_/¯

And he did nothing to stop the assault as it threatened to upend the seat of the U.S. government.

¯_(ツ)_/¯

Whatevs.

Let’s just move on, shall we? We’ve got a few more Benghazi hearings to get on the docket. We can’t waste time by holding a villainous madman accountable for trying to overthrow our republic. Because that would be gauche.

Republicans hate America. Full stop.

They always have, of course, but never before has the fig leaf fallen so far from the figs.

I wish the marginally sane branch of the GOP luck in launching a new center-right party. As we all know, the GOP is effectively dead. Bring the quicklime, because the body is really starting to stink.

”This guy is a natural. Sometimes I laugh so hard I cry.” — BETTE MIDLER on author ALDOUS J. PENNYFARTHING, via TwitterNeed a thorough Trump cleanse? Thanks to Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump, Dear F*cking Lunatic, Dear Pr*sident A**clown and Dear F*cking Moron, you can purge the Trump years from your soul sans the existential dread. Only laughs from here on out. Click those links, yo!

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6 COMMENTS

  1. Talked to a friend who lives in the Villages in Florida the other day. She is a smart woman but she is drinking the kool aide. She talked about President Biden and how he spoke slow. Hello because he isn’t screaming, flailing about, ranting, raving, speaking incoherently he is not a good president. They can’t get virus shots but she would not listen avout what donnie did or should I say didn’t do. Really brain washed. The number of vets in the Villages are high. Are they ok with putin paying people to murder our troops and donnie not raising an eyebrow? not the people who were in the military when my husband was on actice duty. We have been friends for 65+ years. I wonder if it will survive or will it be another casualty of an evil, corrupt, sad and lonely creature’s actions.

    • Trump is a messiah to them. They won’t change. I’m still in turmoil over my friends and family who probably still support Trump. I just keep my mouth shut because it’s pointless, if I want to remain friends.

  2. In less than one month with our new president our country is already returning to normalcy and that’s not pretending that’s reality

  3. The only thing rigged about the election is the GOP putting party over country. “The needs of the few, out way the needs of the many.”
    The few GOP members that voted to convict trump by upholding their oath of office now suffer censure and worse, simply because they did their jobs. This is what’s wrong with politics.
    Why take an oath in the first place ? Democracy is fragile as we’ve all witnessed, the GOP just supported a coup..congrats you spineless lying cowards.

  4. I keep wondering if any of the GOP had been injured, they then would have voted to convict. Of course not! Silly me to think 🤔 that! All they really care about is keeping their jobs and their power. Oh, and some are still enthralled by Trump. State GOP’s are too. They’re censoring the Senators that did vote to convict! Imagine that!

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