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When this is all over — hopefully very soon — the number of lives Trump managed to destroy will be truly mind-boggling.

But while I have nothing but sympathy for most of Trump’s victims, the fate of those who willingly threw their lot in with the Abominable Showman makes me decidedly schaden-giddy.

One of these craven pants-crappers is New Jersey Rep. Jeff Van Drew, who embraced Trump and became a Republican earlier this year in an apparent bid to keep his seat in a district that went for Trump in 2016.


But nearly one year and a global pandemic later, Van Drew’s pledge to give his “undying support” to Trump could end up sinking the freshman lawmaker.

Van Drew, like many of his Republican colleagues, now finds himself having to answer for an unpopular president, whose shaky handling of the coronavirus and inflammatory rhetoric has damaged the GOP’s standing nationwide, especially in the suburbs.

Van Drew currently trails in the polls to a well-funded Democratic challenger in Amy Kennedy, a former public school teacher who married into the Kennedy political dynasty. Kennedy is leading Van Drew by five points among registered voters, according to a Monmouth University poll from earlier this month, though it’s within the survey’s margin of error. POLITICO’s election forecasters rate the race as a “toss up.”

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Imagine selling your soul to Satan and then finding out Satan’s checking account is overdrawn. Guess all you can do at that point is smile and pretend your political fortunes haven’t been dry-humped to death by a surly orange Muppet.

Democrats have tried to use Van Drew’s party change and sudden embrace of Trump as a cudgel, branding him as “switcheroo Van Drew” and accusing him of betraying his constituents for his own self interests. In one ad, Democrats even ribbed Van Drew for his taste for flashy suits in a bid to portray him as superficial and inauthentic.

“It felt like he was willing to do or say anything to keep his job,” said Kennedy, who decided to run for office after hearing Van Drew promise his unwavering loyalty to Trump. “There are a lot of people in the district who really respect someone who can be independent-minded, but that’s not what that felt like to them.”

I didn’t especially care about this race before, but I sure as shit do now. A Van Drew loss wouldn’t give me the same tingly feeling that seeing Mitch McConnell’s or Lindsey Graham’s hide on the wall would, but it could be a nice dollop of gravy on the heaping pile of mashed yams I hope to tuck into on the evening of Nov. 3.

Oh, yes — weed, beer, mashed yams, and briny GOP tears. Sounds like a party for the ages.

And maybe some music to liven things up …

See you then, folks.


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This is a Creative Commons article. The original version of this article appeared here.


  1. I like the article. But, just one thing: I don’t feel any sympathy for what you call “trump victims.” They have minds; they have the ability to vote for a person who is competent; they know the TV star is lying every day; but they are in the “hoopla” of it all. No, I feel no sympathy and, in fact, at this juncture, blame THEM for where this country is at. Just wanted to give my 2 cents. Keep up the good work!

  2. I like a dirty martini with briny Republican tears… makes the flavor of the olives pop!

    This is got to be a lot like the same feeling, as the guy who figured he’d switch to traveling with the Donner Party, to get to the west coast faster while crossing the prairie in a Conestoga Wagon…

    Or the guy who got his ticket on the Titanic bumped up to first class.

    Or pretty much the entire “Jagged Little Pill” album by Alanis Morrissette

    “Loo-oo-zer” — Ace Ventura, Pet Detective.

  3. Anyone who hitched their wagon to Trump’s “star”, whether they did it from the beginning or later, deserves EVERY dollop of crap that comes their way. THEY KNEW what they were getting into; they jusy didn’t care. F them sideways.


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