Pearls Before Swine II. QAnon Edition

LEWIS CENTER, OH - AUGUST 04: Guests cheer for President Donald Trump as he speaks at a rally to show support for Ohio Republican congressional candidate Troy Balderson on August 4, 2018 in Lewis Center, Ohio. Balderson faces Democratic challenger Danny O'Connor for Ohio's 12th Congressional District on Tuesday. (Photo by Scott Olson/Getty Images)

I’ll be straight with you guys right up front. Conceptually I’m having a little problem getting my head wrapped around this whole QAnon thing. As I understand it, apparently there are a bunch of brain dead fucktards out there who profess to believe that there is a secret cabal of Democrats and other lowlifes who actually rule the US, and they’re pedophile cannibals who eat little kids for the power in their blood, and Trump is the only thing that stands between them and world domination, and I’m supposed to think anything other than,Get off! They’re having us all on! And if that weren’t enough, apparently they’ve even designed their own logo wear, so we can all stare and point, and laugh throw shit at ‘e,? This can’t be for real.

But I guess it is, because the FBI has labeled them potential domestic terror threats since, like most of the socially stunted idjits in this country, they have guns, they have the potential to cause trouble. And there was something about hijacking a train? Don’t these ass clowns read history? Eric Bogosian tried that in Under Siege 2, and he had like, mercenaries and bombs and everything, and look where that got him. Although Steven Seagal has kind of filled in around the edges the last few years.

The reason we all have to give a shit about this nonsense is because these wet noodles love Trump. And since Trump, if sink scum randomly spelled out his name, would retweet it as  proof of his brilliance and popularity, s now retweeting every shit ball that comes flying out of these howler monkeys. But because Trump speaks for the entire GOP, this means that other people have to go out and make it appear as though the entire party isn’t as stupid as Trump is, without hurting his delicate fee-fees.

And what a trifecta of talent they had on display this weekend. Any time a flunky has to go out and try to gently bridge the gulf between his boss’s stupidity and reality, it’s entertaining, but when the boss is Trump, and you look at the people around hi,. it’s hilarious.

Mike Pence batted lead off, and oh boy, there’s a Prince among philosophical giants. Pence chose to go with righteous indignation, and it didn’t work out so well. When asked about whether or not he would renounce QAnon, Pence angrily ranted, Qanon? QAnon again? Why is everything these days about QAnon? I don’t even know what QAnon is! You want me to renounce QAnon, fine, I’ll renounce QAnon! Anything else with the letter Q you want me to renounce? I dunno, maybe Quentin Tarantino, Quincy Jones, or maybe San Quentin? And all the time I’m listening to this pissy indignation, the only thought going through my mind was Jesus, October 7th can’t get here soon enough!

Next, Trump’s Chief of Staff, Mark Meadows, had the job of propping up the middle. And while I thought nobody could best Pence’s performance, Meadows managed to pull off the upset. When asked by FOX’s Mike Wallace if he would renounce QAnon, Meadows flared back, QAnon again? Why is the media so stuck on QAnon?! The President went out a couple of days ago to do a press conference on serious issues like the coronavirus, and the first question he gets asked is about QAnon? Why is the media fixated on a cult that 81% of the Republican party doesn’t even believe in?! Really, Mark? Do tell. Do you mean that a full 19% of the Republican party, one out of every five, actually swallows that tripe? Because that 81% sure is a specific number. Been doing a little polling have we?

But my favorite for the day was Hogan Gidley, who girded his loins and took a whack at it on Kasie DC on MSNBC. When asked the standard renounce QAnon question by Kasie Hunt, Gidley went with casual indifference, You know Kasie, we’ve known each other a long time. I spent two years in the White House, and never had a single conversation on the subject with the President, inside of or outside of the Oval Office. Never had a single discussion with anybody on the subject in the hallways, or anywhere else. And for the last year, I’ve been with the campaign, and the subject has never come up once, in any format. It just isn’t something we’re even talking about. Nice try Hogan, but a swing and a miss. You didn’t really answer the question, did you. And besides, when everybody gets together at Thanksgiving, just because nobody talks about lazy Uncle Phil, that doesn’t mean that he’s not sacked out on the sofa back at your place, leaving a sprinkle of Cheeto’s dust all over everything.

When she was small, my youngest daughter absolutely loved Barney the Dinosaur. And they ended every, single episode with a bunch of kids singing, This is the song that never ends. It just goes on and on my friends. And that’s exactly where the GOP is right now. QAnon is just going to keep on blasting out insane shit, naming Trump specifically, because he’s giving their insanity validation by retweeting that dim bulb shit. And since Trump is at the stage where he has to wear a pork chop around his neck to get the damn dog to play with him, he’s going to keep right on retweeting that shit as proof of his popularity. And every Sunday, the GOP us going to have to keep sending out sacrificial lambs to try to square that circle. If I were the Democrats, I’d be playing up the dangerous cult aspect every chance I got, just to put more heat on the GOP. This is getting interesting.

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2 Comments on "Pearls Before Swine II. QAnon Edition"

newest oldest most voted

This is what you get by a lack of education….

J. M.
J. M.

This is the problem with effed up cults. Vile, Sick, Dangerous. It’s just a matter of time before something horrible happens because of some crazy message that these freaks have read from Q. And their sick effed up interpretation of it. The results of the election could not come fast enough. STOMACH. IN. KNOTS. 😠😠😠😠😠😠😠😠