DonkeyHotey / Flickr mcconnell ryan trump caricature...
DonkeyHotey / Flickr

Recently I wrote that Trump had basically handed the keys to the kingdom to Nancy Pelosi and Chick Schumer on the government shutdown issue by dint of another self destructive tweet. The early results are starting to come in, and they’re even brighter than we had hoped for.

Lawrence O’Donnell on MSNBC opined that Ryan and McConnell’s statements for the cameras in a White House conference room, with empty chairs between them only proved that neither snowflake can govern without Democratic support, even though they both hold majorities in their respective chambers. And it’s already showing up.

Politico is reporting that while Trump may be oblivious to poitical reality, Ryan and McConnell are not, they’re already trying to construct a ladder out of this hole Trump dug for them. The only problem is that the only material they have to work with is more dirt;

Just 24 hours ago, Speaker Paul Ryan (R-Wis.) and Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.) were considering a hard-line strategy of jamming Democrats and daring them to vote no on a short-term government funding bill. While Democrats have demanded a solution for Dreamers be included in any spending deal, Republican leaders’ initial plan would have continued current spending into January without an immigration fix.

But their own members upended that strategy almost immediately: House Armed Services Committee Chairman Mac Thornberry (R-Texas) put his foot down, telling GOP leaders that defense hawks would not start 2018 without a budget boost for the Pentagon.

Awwww, aren’t they cute? And unlike raising your kids, it’s actually fun to watch these silly bastards keep falling off of the bike, even with the training wheels attached. The Democrats hold the keys in their pocket, and these idiots are trying to hot wire the jalopy while Chuck and Nancy are in the bathroom. Maybe I should write a “Run-spot-run,-see-spot-run” kind of political primer for Ryan and McConnell to read, since this shit seems awfully advanced for them.

The serious schism in the House GOP that I keep talking about is raising its ugly head. Both the Freedom Caucus as well as appropriations hawks are upset at the lack of a cohesive plan from Ryan and McConnell. The current scheme being cooked up by these politically delusional tykes is a pair of clean “short term extensions,” one going until December 22nd, and then another one going into next year. If I were Chuck and Nancy, I’d jump on that first one with both feet. Like it wasn’t bad enough threatening to shut down the government and stop paying all non essential personnel two weeks before Crhistmas, why don’t we push that off and put a big, fat “Fuck you, you’re furloughed” package under the tree on the 22nd?!? What could go wrong?

There are at least some indications that there are Republicans who already understand that they’re going to have to deal with Democrats for a spending package, but in true G. OP fashion, they’re going to get there by eating their young. First of all, some GOP members realize that they’re going to have to deal with Democrats on the DREAMers, which will dive Trombie representatives insane, especially since funding for the wall is not anywhere in sight. They want a wall dammit, not brown people! And sane GOP congresscritters understand that increasing funding for the military, which GOP chickenhawks require will also mean increasing spending on non military social programs, which will drive deficit hawks off the deep end, especially with their tax cut bill proposing to blow a $1.5 trillion hole in the budget. They’re gonna have to cut spending when the recessions sets in, not increase it. 

And meanwhile, there are Chuck and Nancy, sitting in patio chairs, with contented smiles on their faces, watching the kiddies splash around in the pool until it’s bedtime. For the simple reason that the GOP toddlers can play all they want, but everybody knows it’s actually Daddy Chuck and Mama Nancy who decide when the lights go out. And the biggest reason that Pelosi and Schumer have no particular reason to give the kids 5 extra minutes before tucking them in is the fact that keeping the government open is even more important to Republicans than their tax plan. Even if the GOP Senate passes the Senate version tomorrow, it still has to go to conference to reconcile it with the House version. And right now we’re down to like 9 days that both chambers are in session at the same time, and the holiday break is looming. The more Pelosi and Schumer drag out the budget fight, the more it destracts the GOP from the tax cuts. This is why Hair Twitler’s tweet about the Democrats was so destructive, it was like telling your landlord, “I’ll pay you when I feel like it, and there ain’t a damn thing you can do about it.” Great strategy if your endgame is to be homeless, but notso-hotso if you’re trying to keep your government open. Keep up the good work DOnnie Boy!

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