National Slampoon’s “Trumper Vacation”

Guardian News / YouTube Five times Donald Trump refused to...
grumpy trumpy Guardian News / YouTube

I swear, I’m not really that big of a dumb ass. But can I help it if every time I reach a totally logical conclusion, some paddlefoot comes clomping in and demolishes the whole thing, like it’s a six-year-old’s sand castle?

Although it seems like forever ago in the Land of the Misfit Mango, it was only a couple of weeks ago that I wrote that the battle lines for the 2020 August recess seemed drawn. 2020 would be the Democratic equivalent of the GOP 2009 ACA town hall hijackings. In 2009, activists took over incumbent town halls with screams of “socialized medicine,” and “death panels for Granny!”

And that’s the way I saw 2020 shaping up, only this time with Democrats at the helm, storming their own incumbent’s town halls to loudly demand that impeachment hearings begin for Donald Juan Trump just as soon as Congress could reconvene. And early reporting was confirming that premise, with activists charting town halls on calendars, and making sure that activists would be there, GOP town halls as well as Democratic ones, making their feelings on impeachment known.

Well, there goes another perfectly good plan, shot to shit. Did you ever notice how hard it is to catch a fly, with the way they keep changing direction on a dime, and never ending up quite where you and the fly swatter thought they’d be? Well, welcome to activism in Trumpmenistan, you gotta be quick on your feet, and you’ve got to be adaptable, because the best laid plans are subject to change without notice.

It all began about a month ago. Trump started out with a perfectly sane political strategy of painting Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and the rest of The Squad as far left ideologues, and trying to make them the face of the “new” Democratic party ahead of 2020. But of course, having the social skills of a honey badger, Trump couldn’t contain himself. He had to make it personal, he had to make it racial, and he had to make it sexist. And when His Lowness told the whole damn bunch of ’em to “go back where they came from,” the racism pot went to simmer.

But with Trump, racism is like eating one salted peanut. Next, he had to haul off on House Oversight chair Elijah Cummings, as well as the entire city of Baltimore. And since he was on a roll, he threw in cities like Chicago, Los Angeles, San Francisco, and New York. All places, you’ll notice, where he won’t bother campaigning. If it were possible, Trump would have signed executive orders making them independent nations, just so he could refer to them as “shithole countries.” And the racism pot hit boil.

And then last Saturday, one week ago today: A white supremacist piece of shit drives 10 hours to El Paso, fuels up with breakfast to make sure his aim is good, an then strolls into a Walmart like he owns the place, and kills 22 innocent people and injures 24 more. His reason? As a retaliation for the immigrant “invasion” turning Texas into a vassal state of Mexico, and as a warning to future invaders. You know, the ones that President Bone Spurs has been bitching about constantly? He referred specifically to it in some racist dung he posted online, and bragged to the cops that he specifically targeted Mexicans. And the racism pot boiled over, and the stove caught fire.

After four long years full of bigotry, hatred, vitriol, and sexism, the media is finally calling it what it is. Racism and white supremacist domestic terrorism, and they’re laying the blame right where it belongs, at the feet of The Grand Wizard Donald, like a fetid foot bath. Both media commentators as well as political opponents are labeling Trump as a racist, and even toying with pinning the “white supremacist” note on his shirt front as well. And suddenly, GOP incumbents are wishing that they had booked month long vacations to Siberia, and willing to give their left nut for questions about a lousy impeachment in their upcoming town halls.

It has long been my favorite aphorism, You lie down with wolves, you wake up with teeth marks. For the last four years, these pandering political whores have laughed off, sloughed off, explained away, and flat out ignored the racist, sexist bile from the pompous jackass that leads their party, under the banner of political expediency. But, guess what? The dessert has been served, the pony of Strega sipped, the coffee enjoyed. The lights have been dimmed, the dishes have been cleared from the table, the vacuum is being run over the carpet, and it’s time to pay the check.

If these Democratic activists are as savvy and quick as I think they are, they’re already shifting their gears. By all means, show up at Democratic town halls and make your feelings on impeachment known, and press the incumbents on their position on that issue. But also make sure that you express your disgust with the racist conduct of The Great Pumpkin, and allow your representative or senator to condemn it as well. Those are 30 second spots for the general election in the can.

But in 2018, Indivisible was proud to have a chapter in every one of the 435 U.S. House districts, and they were invaluable in helping to flip districts. There should not be a single GOP town hall that takes place in August that doesn’t have at least a handful of activists at it, and they should be emphatic. Their scorn for the racism and sexism of The $1 Store Caligula should be clear, and they should be pressing their incumbents hard, not only on their stance on the issue, but on why they have spent so long not only allowing this, but facilitating and enabling it with their silence. Use specific examples. Not only to put the incumbent on the spot, but also because a large number of attendees at these town halls have likely not been paying the slightest bit of attention, and it’s going to be a cold slap in the chops when their neighbors clue them in as to the extent of the vile shit their president has been pulling. These are not MAGA rallies, and a large number of attendees are not necessarily Trump acolytes. Let’s make better informed voters out of them.

Because these activists are already getting what they want, and they’re getting it in the best way possible, by stealth. House Judiciary chair Jerry Nadler, as well as committee members David Cicilline and Eric Swalwell, in backing up recently filed court documents, have vocally confirmed that what is going on right now in the House Judiciary committee is an impeachment investigation! That’s right folks, shit just got real. And Nadler confirmed on MSNBC that every word of the court filing, including the words impeachment investigation were signed off on by House Speaker Nancy Pelosi. You wanted it? You got it. It’s on, at long last.

And it’s flying under the radar. Under normal circumstances, Trump would be all over this like flies on shit. He’d hold flash rallies to decry the sore loser Democrats, and be sending out fund raising e-mail blasts every fifteen minutes to capitalize on his good fortune. But Trump is so distracted by his own bullshit right now, splitting his time between defending himself from the charges of racism and white supremacy, and spewing out new racism and white supremacy to keep his base jazzed, that he isn’t even plucking this low hanging fruit, and exploiting it. And now that we all know it, there is no reason for Nadler to publicize the fact any further. Just keep plugging along, and let that sleeping dog lie. Especially since Rachel Maddow reported that several banks have already started turning over thousands of pages of requested financial documents to New York state prosecutors, as well as the House Judiciary and Oversight committees. It’s unraveling as we speak.

Emperor Numbus Nuttus has always been the gift that keeps on giving, and Christmas came really early this year. The country may be split down the middle on impeachment, but racism is another story altogether. Maybe not so much among staunch Republicans, but for independents, 2016 disaffected Democrats, and “soft” GOP voters. And he is going to need every one of them in 2020 if he is to recreate the electoral miracle that foisted this national nightmare upon us in the first place. Even if they don’t vote Democratic, if they just vote with their feet and stay home next November, for once a tie really is as good as a win. Don’t touch that dial.


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2 Comments on "National Slampoon’s “Trumper Vacation”"

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I know one independent who thinks he is unfit for the job. In reality I never liked the man. I just have to decide which democrat is correct for me.
Thank for a great article.

True Patriot
True Patriot

The majority in Texas have no Reps, due to extensive gerrymandering. John Cornyn is having a town hall in Corpus Christi! That says way too much for me, what about Houston?