I never took any business classes, but I can only assume Rule 1 of successful business-ing is to avoid challenging three of the largest and most entrenched tech companies on the planet when you’re basically just a mustache Gorilla-Glued to a Hefty bag full of liposuction fat and delusions.

Ladies and germs, Mike Lindell, pillow magnate, is at it again.

Almost exactly one month ago, Lindell, who’s arguably been a bigger purveyor of Trump’s Big Lie than Trump himself, claimed he was going to start a new social media platform to take on YouTube and Twitter. And now—hey, why not?—he’s determined to bury Amazon. He won’t rest until all these deep-state operators are put out of business, and neither will anyone who buys his pillows (which, by the way, you can still order on Amazon; let’s see for how long, eh?). 

On Steve Bannon’s War Room, which appears to be the only show that will book Lindell since the legal hammers started coming down on Trump’s merry band of conspiracy theorists, Lindell claimed he’s about to launch MyStore in order to challenge Amazon.com, which has kind of a big head start in the online retailing game, in case you hadn’t noticed.

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LINDELL: “Because I’m looking at another thing we’re going to be launching, which is MyStore, which is a rival to Amazon.”

Okay, sure. I’m going to give my credit card numbers to a guy who thinks Donald Trump’s massive cache of 2020 votes “broke” the voting machines’ algorithms. I’m sure he can design a really safe and secure payment platform. 

After Trump gets kicked off Lindell’s social media site for upvoting snuff films, hopefully he can still sell his tchotchkes at MyStore. After all, without Trump, the thing wouldn’t have existed in the first place, and Lindell might still have some semblance of a future. At the very least Trump can help his pal out, right?

Right?

”This guy is a natural. Sometimes I laugh so hard I cry.”  Bette Midler on author Aldous J. Pennyfarthing via Twitter. Need a thorough Trump cleanse? Thanks to Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump, Dear F*cking Lunatic, Dear Pr*sident A**clown and Dear F*cking Moron, you can purge the Trump years from your soul sans the existential dread. Only laughs from here on out. Click those links, yo!

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