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Because nothing matters, ex-House Republican Mike Pompeo’s State Department hosted a 200-person party in Washington last Tuesday night. The Washington Post reports that the event featured a tour of White House Christmas decorations (the theme this year: I’m dreaming of a COVID Christmas) followed by a drinkin’ party at Blair House across the street. Don’t worry, though. The State Department still encourages the rest of its employees to continue following pandemic safety measures.

It’s just that hey, these are among the last weeks in which Pompeo and his Trump-supporting team can hold a lavish affair on the taxpayer dime, and if the results are another superspreader event it hardly matters, given how many superspreader events the administration keeps hosting. Who’s going to know the difference? Gotta spread the virus now, while there’s still political utility in doing it, or something.

Perhaps the bigger news, or at least the part that interests me personally because I am a bit of a snot that way, is that the State Department took the opportunity to (ahem) distribute to guests a large amount of “Be Best” swag left over from Melania Trump’s sporadic attempts to pretend someone in the White House gave a shit about the sort of toxic, abusive behavior that her husband Thumbboy dished out with as much frequency as could be mustered. Surprisingly, the administration has quite a few Be Best water bottles, etc., still in inventory, which we are told by the Post is “often handed out when the first lady travels abroad.”

Ah yes, the Sorry my husband is a malevolent asshole apology tour. Here, have a Frisbee.

As for why the government-produced, government-distributed merchandizing encouraging children to achieve Bestness was now being handed out to the lucky children being towed through Blair House by their pandemic-indifferent parents, the Post quotes an anonymous official who did not exactly try to put the best spin on it. “It’s time to get rid of the leftovers,” said that person.

Anyhoo, I am feeling spiteful so in the spirit of Be Less Not Good we probably want to wrap things up here without much further commentary. Just know that Mike Pompeo will be hosting more events in coming days, because he really quite sincerely does not care whether the virus spreads or does not.

Be Best, kids. Be Best your bestest. Have a water bottle and go hug your grandma or something.

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  1. See, this would all be done better with a mass mail-out to Trumplodytes everywhere with a syringe of COVID and a bottle of water as thanks for their contributions. Fast, cheap, efficient. Tick tock children, let’s cut to the chase!


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