You know that old saying, “I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy?” Somehow, I get the feeling that a lot of people use that saying in reference to Trump. “Hey, you wanna meet Donald Trump?” “Oh, God. I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy!” But what Michael Avenatti is doing right now is something you wouldn’t wish on anybody but your worst enemy. And since that enemy is Donald J Trump, everything is jake.
In boxing, when your opponent is hurt, and backed up in the corner, what do you do? You step in and keep the pressure on, hammering away. And Michael Avenatti is doing just that. According to NBC News, last night Avenatti filed a motion in federal court, asking to depose both Trump and Michael Cohen, and also requesting that the case go to trial within 90 days. The motion is scheduled to be heard in court on April 30th.
So far, all that has been heard from the White House is “cheep-cheep-cheep,” but it figures to be another lively briefing this morning. Look for rookie pin cushion Raj Shah to be pushed out behind the podium again, since it appears that Sarah Flackabee Slanders has run out of soul to sell for the tough ones these days. But Cohen’s lawyer, David Schwartz is still new to this, so he’s still got some stuffing left to kick out of him;
“His statements are ludicrous when he asks where Michael Cohen and Donald Trump are? He knows they are following the rules of the court,” he added. “They are handling the case in a court of competent jurisdiction and as a lawyer, he needs to do the same. This is politically motivated and people see through this charade.”
Oh Lordy, lordy, lordy. I live for this shit. Did you ever notice that whenever a politician does something stupid, the automatic defense is that it’s “politically motivated?” It’s like,” Even if my client had 7 oz of cocaine in his underwear going through customs, this reporting is politically motivated!” Just one small problem here. Schwartz’ client is Michael Cohen, and he’s not a politician, so how can the attack be politically motivated? This is at least the second time now that an attorney for another defendant has come out publicly and defended Donald Trump. Which is actually good, since all of Trump’s own attorneys (both of them) seem to have developed severe laryngitis.
Did I say yet that Michael Avenatti is having just too damn much fun with this case? He is, and he just did two things that show how much fun he’s having, like Snidely Whiplash, giggling and rubbing his hands together while Nell is lying tied up on the railroad tracks. First he taunted Trump directly, while speaking on the Today Show;;
“If she’s not telling the truth, let the president take to the podium and call her a liar,” he said Monday. “Let the president come forward and say it never happened.”
Oh. My. God. Even a blind porcupine can see this bear trap. So far, Trump has remained as silent as the grave about Stormy Daniels, but if Avenatti can get him to “step up to the podium and call her a liar,” I guarantee you that he has the defamation suit all typed out and ready to go, all it needs is the exact words and date. Avenatti knows all too well that Trump has a hair trigger. And he’s yanking on that trigger with both fingers, trying to get Trump to go off like a Gatling gun.
This is actually the second time in five days that Avenatti has jerked Trump’s chain in the media. On MSNBC on Friday night, Avenatti said that his previous comment was “a warning shot directly at the President.” And now today, he double dares Trump to call his client a liar. Anybody remember that scene in “Who Framed Roger Rabbit,” where the Judge is going around the bar, tapping “shave-and-a-haircut” on the walls with his cane, while Roger is in the hooch room, turning different colors, and shaking like a leaf with his eyes crossed? That’s what Trump must be like right now in the Oval Office, with John Kelly urgently whispering “Roger! Roger! Shhh! Don’t DO it Roger!” How much longer before Trump finally explodes through the wall, his hands spread wide, bellowing “Two Bits!”
But Avenatti has plenty of time for other various forms of light amusement these days as well. He managed to scrape up a moment to take a swipe on Twitter at Cohen’s lawyer David Schwartz;
— Michael Avenatti (@MichaelAvenatti) March 28, 2018
This is a work of art that deserves to be hung in the Louvre. For those unfamiliar, Avenatti appeared a couple of nights ago on a panel on CNN, I believe it was on Anderson Cooper 360, with David Schwartz sitting two spots down from him. Avenatti gave Schwartz what I like to call an “ultra wedgie.” He yanked the back of those BVD’s so high, he looped them over his head and hooked them on his nose. It should have been painful to watch if it wasn’t so damn funny. So far, watching Avenatti go up against his competition is like watching Alabama play Mount Holyoke in the NCAA football championship game.
Look, nobody makes this kind of a public spectacle, with the real possibility of a catastrophic counter suit if they’re bluffing, for fun. A soldier charges solo up a hill with 100 enemy soldiers at the top for only two reasons, either he knows the artillery barrage is about to start blanketing the top of the hill, giving him cover, or he’s decided to go out in a blaze of glory, “Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid” style. And so far I haven’t seen any suicidal tendencies in Michael Avenatti. I’m betting he has a battery of howitzers behind him, and Trump and Cohen had better be bunkered down.