As one of the more visible steps in tRump’s effort to remake America into a fascist state, he is expected to release a new Executive Order this week to deface and replace all public inscriptions he believes to be critical of his status as the Chosen One. It’s all part of the republican strategy to Deploy Awfully Muddled, Nakedly Fascist, Openly Oppressive, Logically Asinine, Self-serving Screeds Hurting Our Legal Elections.
Since tRump is a barely literate buffoon with a limited vocabulary we believe all the two-syllable words are probably the work of renowned festering sore, Stephen Miller. The tRump-Miller relationship is difficult to understand, as usually tRump jettisons lackeys that make him look bad. The best guess is that Vlad told Donnie that Stevie had to stay or Vlad was going to break Donnie into tiny turdlets and flush him away.
The good people working in the NNNE Investigative Division™ have obtained a draft version of the Executive Order. It wasn’t difficult. We offered Jared a pat on the head and a five dollar bill. He told us US secrets usually cost more, but he needed to get his father-in-law a happy meal in a hurry and was pressed for cash. The order is scheduled to go live tomorrow.
Executive Order 13907 of February 24th, 2020
Fixing the Disrespect Shown to the President by Words Found on Things and in Public Places
By the authority vested in me as President by the Constitution and the laws of the United States of America, it is hereby ordered as follows:
Section 1. Purpose As the more than honorable, most stable genius ever, manliest man of unmatched wisdom, originator of “priming the pump”, most respected bestest president ever and also creator of all things, the following changes will be made to more accurately reflect the will of your great and glorious leader.
Section 2. General The tRump family motto will appear on all official documents of the United States: “All for me and none for you.”
Section 3. The National Motto “In God We Trust” will be replaced with “In tRump We Trust.”
Section 4. Great Seal of the United States “E pluribus unum” (Out of many, one) will be changed to “E unum unum” (Out of one, one) because Donald John tRump is the source of all things.
Section 5. History The part of the Gettysburg Address referring to “the people” will be altered to read “Of the rich, by the rich and for the rich”
Section 6. Monuments Many of our national monuments contain text that is really fake news placed by the Deep State. That fake text will be replaced as follows:
In New York City
|“Give me your tired, your poor, Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, The wretched refuse of your teeming shore, Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me, I lift my lamp beside the golden door!” — Emma Lazarus||“Give me your money, your goods, Your rich white guys yearning to beat women, The wealthy elite of your all-white country, Send these, the privileged, coddled few to me, I charge admission to the golden door!” — Donald John tRump|
|“The true administration of justice is the firmest pillar of good government” — George Washinton||“The maladministration of justice is the best way to control my political enemies.” — Donald John tRump|
Washington, DC (The Cox Corridors of the US Capitol)
|“The nation behaves well if it treats the natural resources as assets which it must turn over to the next generation increased, and not impaired, in value.” — Theodore Roosevelt||“Climate change is a hoax. The environment is a hoax. The next generation is a hoax.” — Donald John tRump|
|“Enlighten the people generally, and tyranny and oppressions of body and mind will vanish like evil spirits at the dawn of day.“— Thomas Jefferson||“Keep people in the dark and the oppression of body and mind will appear exactly like I want them to.” — Donald John tRump|
|“We defend and we build a way of life, not for America alone, but for all mankind.”
— Franklin Delano Roosevelt
|“We defend and we build a way of life, not for America at all, but for me and my friends.” — Donald John tRump|
|“Whenever a free man is in chains we are threatened also. Whoever is fighting for liberty is defending America.“— William Allen White||“Whenever a man is in chains we are excited. Whoever is fighting for their release is an enemy of the United States.” — Donald John tRump|
|“Freedom of thought and the right of private judgment in matters of conscience direct their course to this happy country.”— Samuel Adams||“Freedom of thought and the right of private judgment in matters of conscience offend me.” — Donald John tRump|
|“We must remember that any oppression, any injustice, any hatred, is a wedge designed to attack our civilization.“— Franklin Delano Roosevelt||“We must remember that anything I do is Ok because Article II and Dershowitz said so.” — Donald John tRump|
|“Without Freedom of Thought, there can be no such Thing as Wisdom; and no such Thing as publick Liberty, without Freedom of Speech.“— Benjamin Franklin||“With Freedom of Thought, there can be no such thing as my Coronation, and no such thing as total Control, with Freedom of Speech. Therefore, both are henceforth outlawed” — Donald John tRUmp|
|“Our government conceived in freedom and purchased with blood can be preserved only by constant vigilance.“— William Jennings Bryan||“My government purchased with Russian rubles can only be preserved with more Russian rubles.” — Donald John tRump|
|“Whenever a people or an institution forget its hard beginnings, it is beginning to decay.“— Carl Sandburg||“Whenever you forget to talk about me, I will do something to get myself back in the headlines.” — Donald John tRump|
|“Here, sir, the people govern.”— Alexander Hamilton||“Here, sir, I can do whatever I want.” — Donald John tRump|
|“One country, one Constitution, one destiny.”— Daniel Webster||“One country. What Constitution? My destiny.” — Donald John tRump|
Section 7. Future More changes will be made as more disrespect is discovered. These attacks on my presidency are all part of the biggest witch hunt in history. NO COLLUSION. NO OBSTRUCTION. NO IMPEACHMENT.
THE WHITE HOUSE, February 24, 2020.