tRump is Really Stinking up the Place. In a newly released executive order, the tRump administration has decided to replace the reflecting pool at the Lincoln Memorial with a sewage aerating facility to help disseminate the content of tRumpian speeches and to lessen the chances that the mall will be overrun by people protesting the tRump administration. Over at the Tidal Basin, they are working to stop all water circulation and turn it into a stagnant pool.
This follows along with previous plans to make official Washington hospitable to only tRump supporters by outlawing personal hygiene, toilet paper and mint Chapstick or Vapor rub within the city limits.
They are also populating all grassy areas in the city with striped polecats and lesser anteaters to make republican henchskunks1 feel right at home. Boxwood and Valerian will replace most existing shrubbery.
Over at the tRump Hotel giftshop, they have released a new fragrance Eww de tRump, so Magahatters can reek just like their savior. The fragrance is reputed to be a combination of authentic tRumpian fear sweat2, big bull elephant rutting effluvia and concentrated skunk cabbage extract. Inside the hotel, the Benjamin Bar & Lounge is featuring a salad made from overripe fruit from female Ginko Biloba trees and fresh Missouri Gourds as part of the tRump special along with Vieux Boulogne cheese and a Surströmming Lutefisk fish platter.
We believe the administration is instituting these changes to mask their odor and make it easier for them to move around Washington without attracting attention. They are severely allergic to being observed shredding the Constitution. They also have a lot of trouble following the direction of the Presidential Records Act and applicable Sunshine laws. Work continues throughout the Resistance to peel back the curtain and expose the republican barrel scum for who they really are.
Stetson Bighat, executive director at Deplorable Republicans Are Never Oathbound, speaking for the record said, “After extensive testing using the latest advances in gas chromatography and infrared spectroscopy, we have finally been able to analyze the basic components of the cloud surrounding the tRump administration. It is a very potent combination of the acrid odor of copious flop sweat, the fetid smell of personal dissolution, the overbearing stink of rampant corruption and the all too familiar stench of incontinent tRump.” He continued, “We are now trying to isolate the gene that attracts some people to repeated exposure such a repulsive assault on the olfactory sense. If we are successful we should be able to develop a vaccine. However, we are very aware that time is critical, and would ask that you help us to keep tRump supporters away from our offices. They are affecting our ability to calibrate our equipment because of the foul and pervasive alternative facts they are exuding from their pores.”
Emergency rooms are reporting an increase in cases of people overcome with exposure to republistink. During the current medical emergency we recommend that, regardless of temperature you always keep a window open if forced to share a car with a tRump supporter and never, ever walk downwind from a group of tRump supporters. Be careful out there.
1Henchskunks are the most rabid of the henchweasels who surround tRump
2tRump is known to be having trouble staying hydrated because of all the sweating he’s been doing recently. tRump, being tRump is trying to monetize the buckets of sweat being wrung out of his clothes every hour. To avoid a re-occurrence of a nasty chronic diaper rash his attendants are changing his clothes as often as every 15 minutes.