Awwww. Poor widdle Donnie-Wonnie. What’s the matter, nobody wants to play with you anymore? Trump’s problems with his defense team are getting ridiculous. We’re reaching the point where a kid fresh out of law school wouldn’t give Trump a business card if Trump was lying on the pavement at an accident site. If Ty Cobb and Jay Sekulow ever get a clue, Trump may become the first American President ever to be represented by a public defender.
But you wouldn’t know it to listen to Trump, especially on Twitter. To hear Trump tell it, the Secret Service had to pile up sandbags to keep all those pesky white shoe law firms from pounding down the doors to the Oval Office. Fame and fortune works every time. Yeah, just ask John Dillinger how all of those posters in post offices worked out for him. Those tweets beg the question of why every lawyer that Trump actually asks tells him to shove it up his ass, but that’s logic. And asking a Trump supporter to exercise logic is like expecting your puppy to perform quantum physics.
But, here’s the rub. It isn’t that Trump hypes himself. Everybody hypes. Hell, if nobody hyped, there would be no such things as advertising agencies. Trump exceeds hype to dynamic hyperbole. Trump himself is “The greatest brain.” “Only Trump can fix it.” Trump only hires the “best people.” Trump’s whole shtick is a Godlike perfection that perches him on top of Olympus.
Trump exists only on “The Big Lie.” And the problem with the big lie is that it requires uniformity. In Orwell’s 1984, Oceania was lovingly ruled by Big Brother. Oceania was at war with Eurasia, and it had always been at war with Eurasia. Until it wasn’t. Suddenly it was at war with Eastasia, and it had always been at war with Eastasia. It kept changing for the sake of expediency. The perpetual contradictions were what finally made people think.
Back in the fall of 2016, Donald J Trump was destined for fame only in the Guinness Book of World Records as the most absurd Presidential candidate in history. Trump expected to lose, so he set himself up with a soft landing spot. If he lost, it would only be because the election was rigged, everybody from the Democrats to the Republicans to the Tri-Lateral Commission and the “Illuminati conspired to rob him of his prize. Then he won. But he couldn’t let it rest because he lost the popular vote. So instead, he only lost the popular vote because 3 million furriners voted illegally! Even some Trump supporters responded with, “Dude, what are you talking about? You fucking won! Shut up and boogie down with the T-Rex revival band at your inauguration.” The contradiction planted those first seeds of doubts in minds less committed.
And now, Trump is doing it again with his legal team. To hear Trump tell it, the ghost of Clarence Darrow can’t wait to defend him. OJ’s “dream team” was a firefly compared to the legal Mirage hotel spotlight Trump has shining for him. Where this kills Trump is when Mueller finally mops the floor with these third rate ambulance chasers, Trump is going to find it impossible to scream that “We are at war with Eastasia, and we’ve always been at war with Eastasia!” The greatest legal minds can’t suddenly become totally incompetent boobs overnight. People won’t but it. I’m not talking about the true Trump kool-ade drinkers, they’re already just laying around on the ground, waiting for rigor mortis to set in. I’m talking about the ones who voted to take a chance for change, who respond to questions about his manifest failures with, “We’ve got to give him more time, he’ hasn’t been in office for that long.” They didn’t vote for Trump in the first place, they voted for change. If it happens before November, the GOP is really going to get pounded. But if it happens after November, Trump can forget about 2020, the “new car smell” will be long gone by then.
That’s the problem with hyperbole, unrealistic expectations. The young people of Marjorie Stoneman Douglas have already learned that lesson in their teens. They didn’t hype the rally at all, just announced it, said what they had to say about it, and just let the people show up or not. Trump’s reliance on superlatives is going to kill both himself and the GOP eventually, and it can’t happen a minute too soon.