Former House Speaker John Boehner has been on quite a roll lately as he plugs his book On the House: A Washington Memoir

In a clip from the audio version of his book, Boehner told Sen. Ted Cruz to go fuck himself, which, as Cruz’s former Princeton roommate Craig Mazin can confirm, Ted has some experience with. 

Boehner was also recently the jagged stone in Donald Trump’s clown shoe, telling the following unflattering tale about our pustulant ex-POTUS.

The Daily Beast:

In an extract from ex-House Speaker John Boehner’s book, he recounts a frosty end to a game of golf with Trump in the 2000s. As the round was set to begin, Trump asked Boehner’s staffer BJ for the names of the two insurance execs who were joining them. “‘I think they’re Joe and Jeff,” BJ told him. So Trump said hello to Joe and hello to Jeff and we set off,” Boehner wrote. However, at the end of the game, the execs revealed their names were actually Mike and David, and they shared an awkward laugh. “But Donald—well, Trump did not laugh,” Boehner wrote. “He marched over to BJ and got right in his face to the point that BJ might have had to take a step or two back. Then Trump shouted, ‘What are you, some kind of idiot?’ … ‘You want to know how to remember somebody’s name?… You fucking LISTEN!’” The former speaker added: “This was real anger, over something very, very small. We had no idea then what that anger would do to our country.”

Again, Republicans across the country really need to ask themselves why a guy most of them wouldn’t hire to squeegee the walls of a peep-show booth is somehow qualified to be president. I sure as shit can’t answer that for them because I remain, as always, gobsmacked.

Of course, Boehner is old-school—which in Republican circles these days means “nearly sane” and “totally irrelevant.” Today’s GOP doesn’t want assiduous lawmakers willing to compromise in order to foster mutual benefit for all Americans. They want know-nothing grifters who make marginally less sense than Gary Busey trying to recite IKEA futon-assembly instructions in Farsi.

Enter Jim Jordan, a useless slab of jowl who appears to exist merely to give a leg up to the global sport coat industry. Jordan and Boehner served together as part of the Ohio congressional delegation, and Boehner got a close-up look at Gym’s perduring awfulness.

On the latest edition of CBS Sunday Morning, Boehner sat down with reporter John Dickerson and spilled loads of tea on his ex-colleague.


DICKERSON: “You call some of these members political terrorists.”

BOEHNER: “Oh, yeah, Jim Jordan especially, my colleague from Ohio. I just never saw a guy who spent more time tearing things apart and never building anything, never putting anything together.”

Oh, and Boehner wasn’t done with Cancun Cruz, either. 

DICKERSON (VOICEOVER): “And then there’s Sen. Ted Cruz, who Boehner says is the ultimate false prophet.”

BOEHNER: “I don’t beat anybody up. It’s not really my style—except that jerk. Perfect symbol, you know, of getting elected, make a lot of noise, draw a lot of attention to yourself, raise a lot of money, which means you’re gonna go make more noise, raise more money, and it’s really, it’s unfortunate.”

I’m not sure how the Republican Party can be fixed—though spaying and neutering would be a good start.

That said, a good number of them don’t even want to sit still for a COVID vaccine, so I wouldn’t hold my breath.

”This guy is a natural. Sometimes I laugh so hard I cry.”  Bette Midler on author Aldous J. Pennyfarthing via Twitter. Need a thorough Trump cleanse? Thanks to Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump, Dear F*cking Lunatic, Dear Pr*sident A**clown and Dear F*cking Moron, you can purge the Trump years from your soul sans the existential dread. Only laughs from here on out. Click those links, yo!

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