I want it all. I want it all. I want it all. And I want it NOW! Queen
Please Dios, if you have any mercy, let His Lowness keep his promise, and campaign tirelessly for the last 45 days of the campaign, especially if he keeps going to high risk suburban districts, where he can send suburban, white women running screaming for the exits. And if you have the time for a bonus wish fulfillment, can you please keep Trump’s latest fixation in his head every time he holds a rally for one of those benighted GOP candidates? Thanks so much.
Right now, we still have no idea of who won OH-12 on Tuesday night. But even if Troy Balderdash, or whatever it is, won, it might have provided us with a tactical advantage for November which might be hard to beat.
Because Der Gropinfuror has a brand new pet slogan, and we all know how much Trump loves his slogans. Just look how long “Build that wall!” and “MS-13 are taking over the world!” have lasted. And if Trump is going to keep belching out this new slogan every time he opens his fat, pampered New York pie hole, I’ll even suffer through clips from his rallies for these doomed GOP souls on my nightly programs.
In his senile reincarnation as “Nostradamus for Dummies,” Trump can see the future. And in this rosy future, a huge, all powerful “red wave” is towering over the November horizon. He specifically mentioned it in his stump speech on Saturday night in Ohio, and he just tweeted it out in taking credit for the “alleged” victory in OH-12 on Wednesday. And to quote baby numbnuts, “I love it! Especially later in the summer.”
As painful as it is, cast your mind back to the late summer and fall of 2016. What were we being bombarded with on an almost daily basis? “Hillary has it in the bag.” “Obamaesque electoral college numbers.” “Access Hollywood tape sinks Trump campaign.” And what happened? We all took an all expenses paid trip to Brigadoon, and disappeared on November 8th. Forget the 70,000 votes in three states, if we showed yo statewide, Hillary would be getting serenaded with “Hail to the Chief” wherever she goes right now.
And we were reading, seeing, and listening to the respectable, responsible, mainstream media. This stuff was honest reporting, “best information” stuff, and were still lulled to sleep Because we started believing out own press clippings.
But what do GOP voters depend on for their “fair and balanced” news coverage? Cluster FOX. Occasionally throughout the day, just to get the pulse of the opposition, I chug a bottle of Maalox, and click over to FOX News, just to see what mischief the under 5’s are up to today. And basically what they’re up to is a daily double ticket of the hysterical screeching of the Ministry of Propaganda in Berlin 1945, and Baghdad Bob in Iraq 1991. To listen to these idjits, Mueller will go down in flames, the Democrats are in tatters, and being routed on every front, and Glorious Bleater is summoning a mighty army to smite the infidels right in the chops.
To the deluded sots that actually listen to, and believe this dysfunctional drivel, it has the absolute ring of truth, especially when coming from the gob of the $1 Store Caligula. Of course they’re all swimming in Perrier from their tax cuts, the brown people are all being hurled back over the border with catapults, and Trump will send congress to their corner in September until they put construction workers on 24/7 duty building the wall. Why wouldn’t a huge red wave be on the horizon for November?
For the GOP, this way lies madness. They’re already wrestling with two separate but potentially fatal problems, with one common genesis. Their President. The primaries are already showing that they are having trouble getting non Trumpaholic voters to the polls, to somehow ignore the muddy pig wallowing around in the Oval Office, and they just can’t seem to find the right shade of lipstick. And they fear that true believer Trombies just won’t come out in November to support candidates they think of as a part of “the swamp” without Trump on the ballot. Especially when Himself keeps blaming his own caucus for his abject failures.
And now Trump wants to give both sides a day pass for November. In predicting that the rampaging red elephant is going to tromp the puny blue donkey into the dust in November gives non Trump Republicans an excuse to not show up, the Trump base can carry the day, and they don’t have to put a paper bag with holes in it over their heads to go and vote. And if he’s going to keep going out there and telling the faithful that he has an invincible army of voters coming out in November to repel the barbarians at the gates, then his drooling zealot base can skip driving to the school gym, and keep trying to figure out Blues Clues instead.
As in all things, Trump is a walking, talking contradiction in terms. On the one hand, he tells his rally crowd that they have to “get off their asses and go cote” to save his bacon from the fire. And then he turns around, and in the next breath, tells them that this is in the bag, the Republicans will roll to an easy, dominant victory in November. But on one thing he has been consistent. All bad news is “fake news,” and every negative poll is a “rigged poll.” And that’s what his true believers will swallow.
I’ve been on this planet for 61 years now, and if there;s one thing that I learned long ago, it’s that given a choice, homo sapiens will take the easy, lazy way out 99 times out of 100. Trump is giving the entire, lethargic Republican party a tailor made excuse to sit out in November. And FOX will be there every step of the way to help him out.